Breaking Point
by 0TheTownWithPep0
Summary: Maybe the breaking point for Spencer Reid was his addiction. Maybe it was Gideon leaving. Maybe it was any of his numerous brushes with death. Or maybe, just maybe, it was so much earlier. Criminal minds fanfiction about Spencer Reid. Comfort/Hurt.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter One: Breaking Point**

"_There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds." -Laurell K. Hamilton_

* * *

Maybe the breaking point for Spencer Reid was his addiction. Maybe it was Gideon leaving. Maybe it was any of his numerous brushes with death. Or maybe, just maybe, it was so much earlier.

Earlier than Tobias Hankel.

Earlier than Elle Greenaway.

* * *

The day started as usual as they come for the BAU. Before the sun even rose Reid ambled toward his desk, falling into his chair with a yawn. His hands were stuffed comfortably in his sweater jacket as he scanned the office.

Hotch was in his office, flipping through some pages in a folder with a flat expression.

Reid frowned ever so as his gaze flickered to the clock. His jaw went slack for a moment in surprise and he double-checked the time with his watch. Was it really that early?

Shaking off his stunned expression, the doctor rubbed at his bleary eyes and focused his gaze on a stack of paperwork in front of him. Another yawn forced his mouth open and he wiped at the tears that tugged at his eyes. Then, returning back to his work, he opened the previous case's file.

"You're here early," Spencer nearly jumped out of his skin when Prentiss whispered in his year. Whipping around just in time to see Emily lean back with amusement and Morgan smirking at his desk.

Instead of saying something, Reid just shook his head and placed the paperwork on his desk. Glancing at the window, he ran a hand through his hair, startled. Judging on the location of the sun, it had been at least two hours since he began working.

"How long have you been here, Pretty Boy?" Morgan asked, leaning back in his chair with a satisfied smirk. "You look exhausted."

Reid felt his eye twitch at that, but didn't say anything about Morgan's comment. The doctor gave a submissive wave. "An hour or so," he answered, fighting another oncoming yawn.

The two agents flashed Reid a bewildered look but didn't say anything about it. Emily's gave traveled up to Hotch's office and she frowned thoughtfully.

"How long has he been here?" Prentiss mused.

"Since yesterday?" Morgan offered with a grin. Reid scoffed and shook his head, ready to remind his coworker that Hotch had in fact left before Morgan the previous day. Before he could speak though, the agent looked at Spencer, giving him an 'I was joking look'.

Backing up and sitting down on the edge of a desk, Prentiss turned back to the two males. "Why do you two get here so early?" she huffed in exasperation.

By this time, Reid began to turn back to his work. "To work?" he provided hopefully. "Maybe you could try it sometime." While his words sounded terse, his tone was teasing.

"Ouch, kid, that hurts," Morgan tsked and got to his feet. Peering over Reid's shoulder at the papers, he squinted in disbelief. "Oh _no_."

"What?" Prentiss smirked, trying to read Morgan's facial expression but not getting up.

Reid seemed just as confused, looking up at Morgan with uncertainty. There was a pause as the agent shook his head in stupor.

"You're actually doing work?" he finally huffed.

Spencer shut the folder and forced himself to look up at the agents. "What else would I be doing?"

Morgan threw his hands up into the air slightly, taking a step away from the doctor's desk. "Pretending to work?" he offered like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "You, Pretty Boy, really need to learn how to blow off work."

"Why would I '_blow off_ work'?" Reid asked incredulously. Morgan just shook his head, turning as the doors opened to reveal JJ and Garcia holding coffee.

"My heroes," Prentiss sighed in relief, pushing off the counter and heading over to the two girls. As JJ handed the woman a coffee, Emily placed her hand on her heart. "What would I do without you two?"

Garcia laughed, shaking her head. "Be coffeeless?" She answered, heading over to Reid, who was still looking baffled over Morgan's suggestion. "Coffee, Einstein?" The doctor shook his surprise off and accepted the drink with a thanks.

Waiting where he was, Morgan looked over at Garcia, who began sipping at her remaining drink. "Baby girl? Really?" he asked, looking almost offended.

"What?" the technical analyst answered with a questioning look.

"What about me?" The agent glanced around, but everyone was holding one coffee. Garcia smiled and shrugged, taking a long drink from her drink before sighing loudly. "That's cold." Morgan shook his head, looking away with mock hurt.

As the four with hot coffee began to prepare for the day, Morgan caught Penelope grinning. He remained confused, lower lip pouting slightly as he shook his head.

"Who do ya love?" Garcia asked suddenly. Reid returned to his work, relieved he wasn't the center of attention anymore.

Morgan flashed the woman a puzzled look before she picked up a coffee on Emily's desk that had been hidden by papers. The agent grinned widely. "It's always been you, Baby Girl."

"Obviously," Garcia replied, passing the cup to the male who took a sip and sighed in pleasure.

"Good stuff…" the agent hummed before Hotch stepped out of his office. JJ glanced up at him, and the Chief gave a nod.

Clasping her hands together after tossing a now empty coffee cup into the trash, JJ turned to the team. "Don't get too comfortable, it's time for a new case,"

As Morgan mumbled something about there always being a new case, Reid pulled himself from his chair, snapping his folder shut. Prentiss flashed the younger agent a look but said nothing.

"What's the matter with you?" Of course Morgan didn't have the decency to keep quiet.

"Sorry…" Reid murmured, looking embarrassed. "That was louder than I planned." A ripple of amusement washed over the group as they headed to the round table.

A few minutes later, the team was gathered together in the conference room. Rossi was looking half asleep as he blinked blearily at JJ. Hotch waited for the blond female to start with a classic Hotch face.

"Long night?" Morgan whispered to Rossi with a suggestive eyebrow raise. The older agent glanced over at the male and scoffed. Even Reid let himself look over at the interaction, seeing as JJ hadn't started yet.

Rossi rolled his eyes, rubbing his forehead with a sigh. "If you count arguing with your publisher about writing faster one of _those _long nights, then yes." he flashed Morgan a smile who raised his hands to signify surrender.

"To each their own, I guess,"

"If we may begin now…" JJ began, waiting for the room to quiet down. "We have fou-" she was interrupted by a knocking at the door. The blond huffed in mock annoyance, ceasing her talking. She caught Hotch send her an apologetic look but offered him a small smile.

As silence sat in the conference room for a moment, Reid finally stood up. "I'll get it," he offered, heading over to the door. A small bout of laughter rang out in the group, even Hotch couldn't help but smile briefly at the doctor's sarcasm.

Opening the door, Reid instantly paled. His mouth went dry and his veins ran cold with anger. There, standing in the doorway, was William Reid.

"_The sun loved me again when it saw that the stars would not abandon me." -Jenim Dibie_

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading if you've reached here! How is it so far? Reviews are greatly appreciated, even if they are one word long. More reviews inspire me to write sooner! This book takes place in about the middle of season six. However, JJ will not leave, and there most likely won't be any Ian Doyle nonsense. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Chapter Two: Sobriety Coin**

"_Every loss, every mistake, was seared into his soul, creating a different kind of tattoo, one made from rage and abandonment, heartbreak and tears" - Kami Garci_

* * *

What felt like an eternity to the young doctor who stood face to face with his father lasted only a brief second. William stepped forward, arms rigid but open as if he wanted to hug Reid. The FBI agent stepped back, avoiding his father's arms.

"_Dad_? What are you doing here?" his voice was clouded with emotion. A storm of rage.

It had been almost two years. Almost two years since Reid had spoken to his dad, since he had seen his dad. There had been no text message after William finally explained himself. No letters, no calls, not a single word. What right did the father even have anymore?

It was around this time Reid felt eyes on his neck and shifted uneasily. His team was watching him and once again the room was a painful silence as the male in the doorway tried to come up with an excuse.

The sound of a chair being pushed back made Reid press his lips together.

"Spencer…" William finally sighed, voice barely more than a whisper. His father's eyes were reassured at the sight of his son, it almost looked as if he thought he was a parental figure to the doctor. "You cut your hair." The stranger's hand reached out as if to touch the waves that the young man used to have.

Reid glared at the hand, and when William glanced at, then back at his son, dropped his arm back to his side. "What do you want?" Spencer's voice was colder this time, distant.

"I need your help," the answer came instantly this time.

Fighting back a jarring scoff, the male glanced back at his team briefly. Morgan was the one who had stood up and was now standing by the round table with a frown. The entire team didn't say a word, leaving Reid to fend for himself. A pit of anger boiled in his stomach. Harsh and unforgiving.

Toward his father, not his team. Reid took a steadying, deep breath before looking back to his father. The absentee dad looked hopeful and genial. Prominent wrinkles had formed just above his eyes, making him seem much older than he really was. William rose an eyebrow, just adding onto the wrinkle unknowingly.

A bitter comment formed in Reid's mouth and he spoke before he thought too much about it, "Help?" The young doctor scoffed. "Do you need some help convincing yourself that avoiding your son is the right thing to do? Because it seems like you have plenty of practice in that already,"

Maybe that had been too far, but Spencer Reid did not think so. This stranger didn't deserve his pity. However much his expression fell in dismay and hurt.

"Reid," the calming voice from Hotch rang through the room. Spencer couldn't help but twitch his eye when William looked over at the chief as well. Remembering with a start that they both were Reids, the doctor felt his mood sour even more.

In blood, in surname, in birth certificate, Spencer was William's son. And yet… never had the man ever acted like one.

Standing up, Hotch walked over, and Spencer could see with a twinge of relief that it was not him who was in trouble. It was the slight clench in the older agent's jaw, the narrowing of his eyes directed at William that confirmed it. At least the doctor wasn't alone in his sentiment.

William Reid straightened up his slagging posture when the unit chief approached. Hotch didn't hold his hand out for the strange to shake but looked him in the eye. "You must be Reid's father, William,"

No last name. Reid appreciated it.

"I am," the wrinkled male looked over at Spencer softly. "I need you-" his gaze carried onto the rest of the team's faces. The businessman winced when he saw their cold faces. "-and your teams help."

If Hotch was feeling anything at this moment, he didn't show it. "What is wrong?"

William let out a breath of relief when the team listened, even if they listened with narrowed eyes. "It's about Spencer," this caught the BAU's team, their interest and wariness sharpening like the edge of a sword. "Someone is after me, and I'm worried they'll go after you…" William was looking at Reid again.

Swallowing hard to choke down his ire, Reid blinked. How could Hotch do this all the time? Pretend to be so composed? "I can handle myself just fine-"

"Reid…" This time it was Emily, and she looked over at the younger agent with a tender gaze. "Let's hear him out?" it was framed as a question, giving Reid a choice in the matter while stating her opinion at the same opinion.

"We have another case…" Reid tried mildly. JJ pressed a button and the screen went black. Another vote for William. Were they really siding with this… foreigner? "Fine… we'll hear you out..." The doctor replied to William before looking over to Morgan.

The young man, still standing with his eyes narrowed, was the only one not bothering to hide unbridled hostility and distrust. The room had grown chill with tension as William scuffled into the room and stood stiffly where the screen was once starting up.

Spencer moved to his seat, sitting down rigidly. Both Reids looked uncomfortable.

"The emails started coming shortly after you visited," the father started, nodding to Spencer. The doctor's jaw clenched as he felt his team glance at him. They hadn't known that. "Threats…"

A billowing sense of grief washed over Spencer and he licked his lips. He still remained silent.

"Threats saying that if I contacted you, that… they'd go after the ones I love," There was a new flash of anguish in William's gaze and the doctor felt his anger recede for a moment. Then the words sank in and Spencer, who looked no older than a high schooler all the sudden, blinked sadly.

The _ones_.

Nobody else seemed to catch this much, but Reid did. William hadn't meant Spencer and his mother. He had found a new family. Reid and his mom had stopped becoming grouped together once William left. Forehead wrinkles forgotten, the doctor caught onto some more wrinkles on his cheeks.

Smiling wrinkles that hadn't been there last time Reid had seen him. So while Spencer was struggling, pleading, sobbing… William was laughing, loving, being happy.

"You have to understand… I didn't the threats were real at first. They were just words. Then photos began to accompany the emails. Whoever is sending them- he's been stalking my family,"

Whatever composure Spencer had left fractured at this. He lurched from his chair, narrowed his eyes, and shook his head. "You son of a bitch," then he turned and flung open the doors to the conference room. The doors slammed shut behind him and reverberated through the bullpen.

Tears imposed on his face, warm droplets bubbling on his face. His family. Walking numbly to his desk, Reid barely heard the yell from the conference room. The young doctor looked up in surprise, trying to wipe away his unwanted tears with the back of his hand.

Never before had he needed it so bad. Not right after the incident. No, it was now. His gaze moved from where the offices were to his bag. His heart raced when he remembered the hidden pouch in the bag.

Before he could reach out to it though, something burned in his pocket. His hand moved to his jeans, and his fingers brushed against the medallion with a shaking movement. He had made it to a year. He couldn't… couldn't turn back now. Clenching the token in his hand, Reid felt a hand touch his shoulder.

The young doctor recoiled at the hand, trying to glance up to stop his tears. Reid couldn't let them see him cry. Over something that shouldn't even matter to him.

"Spence…" JJ's voice was soft and welcoming. "Look at me… please?" When Spencer finally dragged his gaze to hers, she didn't wince at the tears. Just looked him in the eye with sympathy. "Walk with me."

He followed her out of the bullpen, into the hallway near the elevators. It was quiet there, no sound of typing or working like in the office. Reid was forced to concentrate his thoughts on the sounds of their shoes rap against the hard flooring until they stopped.

"He said his family…" Reid whispered hoarsely, not even bothering to try to hide his sorrow anymore. "I thought… I thought I was his family,"

JJ sighed softly, wrapping her arms around Spencer in a supportive hug. This seemed to cease the doctor's grief momentarily and when she pulled away she looked him in the eye. If Reid had been expecting kindred words, he would've been stunned. "That bastard doesn't deserve you, Spence,"

Didn't he, though? Reid had been an addict. _He was a weakling _that everyone felt they needed to protect. Reid was the person who put everything into his relationships, just to be abandoned. By his dad, by Elle, by Gideon, he stopped himself before the list could go on.

"I see that look in your eye," The liaison was looking at him with an unreadable expression. "Stop going there…" JJ slipped her hand into his pocket, pulling out his medallion.

Reid's stomach lurched in fear when she took it from him, but he just pressed his lips together. Examining the pendant, JJ turned it around in her hands. "You know what this means, don't you?"

Shoving his hands into his now empty pockets, the younger agent nodded. "I made it to a year." Almost two, but he didn't have time to add that before the female spoke up again.

"It means you've conquered some of the most vicious demons out there," she held it to him. The bronze beamed up him. "By yourself too…" A wave of guilt reflected in her gaze but she didn't stop to give Reid to think about it. "Think of how quick you can conquer this demon with help." She had gestured to inside the bullpen, where his father probably waited.

For a moment, the doctor was quiet with thought. Then his gaze traveled up to JJ and he gave her a weak smile. What would she say if she could tell what he was thinking? If she figured out he needed Dilaudid again, if she figured out he needed to escape? Taking the medallion, he put it back in his pocket, but it felt cold and unforgiving.

As if the bronze coin could read him.

"Let's do it, let's save my dad and then I can be done with him," Reid answered, JJ grinned and nodded. "One last thing…"

"What?"

"Who shouted at who in the conference room?" Reid caught a glimmer of amusement settle in JJ's warm blue eyes.

"That was Hotch. He told William that if he made a movement to go after you, he'd personally find something to arrest him for. It was chilling," The liaison gave a shiver to prove her point, and Spencer let out a breathy laugh.

He would've _paid _to see that.

"_Here I am trying to live, or rather, I am trying to teach the death within me how to live." - Jean Cocteau_

* * *

**N/A: I was not expecting so many reviews! Thank you all so much, it means a lot to me. I hope you enjoy this chapter too. Reviews are always appreciated, even if they are one-worded. **


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter Three: Cascading Faults**

"_Memories are meant to serve you, not enslave you." -A.J. Darkholme_

* * *

A low hum of tension buzzed in Hotch's office. Of course, tension did not have a sound that one could hear. Tension was seen, felt. And if one was to walk into the office, they would've felt it.

"Chief Strauss-" Hotch tried to begin but was interrupted yet again. He hadn't been able to form a solid sentence since the conversation began. Everybody ran out of patience, and it was a matter of time before the level-headed unit chief lost his.

"Let me repeat this, to get this very clear," the woman's voice was terse. "You and your team are abandoning an active serial killer case for a few threats?"

Hotch let a moment of silence hang in the air before he answered. When he did speak, his voice was composed and focused. He was standing now, holding the phone up to his ear as he fought the urge to pace. "My team expects to finish this case in a matter of days. An entire family is at risk right now and I feel that is the BAU's top priority."

Finally a real sentence. He was rewarded with icy silence before Strauss began speaking in a slow voice.

"These are just threats Aaron, not bodies."

"These people are being stalked," Hotch's patience was related to that of a thread being pulled in two separate ways. "If we wait for bodies, we _will _be too late."

"Have you even been invited by the Las Vegas police force?"

"William Reid's wife is in charge down there and has officially invited us." It was like the perfect storm, for William. If only Hotch could find a reason they couldn't go. If only he could find a reason to spare Reid.

A frustrated exhalation on the other line. "Fine, Aaron. You and your team have five days to get this under control. Remember, your job and the lives of innocent men are on the line here,"

The line went dead and Hotch fell back into his chair. Rubbing at his temples with exhaustion. Folders were lain open on his desk, some from previous cases, some from ones that could be. He noted with a growing hint of desperation that none of the folders held any information about William's case.

Damn that man. Hotch rarely got involved in cases, but Reid shouldn't have to go through what he was no doubt going to put through. They were going to have to sift through William's life.

Sift through every year Spencer wasn't apart of.

"Hotch?" the door was pushed open. The unit chief's eyes flickered to the doorway. Standing in the doorway, Spencer had his hands jostled into his pockets.

"Yes, Reid?" Hotch's face returned to a flat expression, not giving away any of his many thoughts. His facade was chillingly neutral, but the young doctor seemed unfazed by it. Hotch was pleased with that, he didn't want Reid to feel unwelcome. Still, he knew he could not get involved emotionally so he didn't show any feeling. "Come in."

Reid entered the office, closing the door behind him. The door clicked shut and the genius advanced toward the desk. Hotch, with his near-perfect posture, waited for the words he was sure to come. "I just… just wanted you to know that I won't let my personal attachments get in the way during this case."

A wave of sympathy washed over Hotch and yet his calm expression endured. "I understand," the chief's gaze caught onto Reid's right pocket. The pocket where the doctor kept his sobriety coin.

He was twirling it around in his hands and it was this that cause Hotch's eyes to narrow soberly. Maybe Spencer tried to hide it, but rolling his coin was a sign that the older male had pinpointed long ago.

Spencer Reid was on the verge of taking Dilaudid again. A new jab of anger toward William flared inside Hotch. He knew what Tobias Hankel... or Charles Hankel had done to the doctor and it tore Hotch up inside. Reid was like a son to Hotch, and while the unit chief wore a calm mask, he couldn't stand seeing the younger agent in pain.

Physical pain or emotional pain. He was too young.

"Just tell me if it becomes too stressful. I need you to keep your head on this case. We need you."

That was an understatement. The team needed Reid. So maybe it would have been better if Reid had waited this one out.

* * *

The team plus William were on the jet about ten minutes after Hotch's call ended. He hadn't explained what it was about to anyone but JJ, but the profilers were able to connect the dots.

Especially when the dots were practically numbered.

An hour after taking off, the adults had settled into cheerful banter. Minus William and Reid. Both were sitting on opposite sides of the jet. That had been Spencer's choice.

"Morgan- did you really just…" Prentis put her face in her right hand and shook her head. A smile was playing at her lips. Morgan leaned back into the chair and shrugged. JJ, who was standing, leaned on the chair with an amused look.

A bout of laughter echoed throughout the jet at Morgan's answer. It faded once it reached it Reid, who was intently staring at his book. Jaw clenched, the young doctor stared at the finely printed words on the book.

He wanted to join the others. But he didn't know what to say. He kept his gaze on the word family that he had stumbled upon while reading. Wasn't that nice?

The jet seemed to grow quiet to Reid as he zoned off, submerging himself in his reading. Well, his staring at the book page was more like it.

"Hey, kid," Reid glanced up at Morgan's voice, practically tearing himself from the pages. He flipped the page, as if worried Morgan would see the word the doctor was staring at. It was only at the page-flipping that the older agent seemed to catch onto the terseness of Spencer's movements. "What's up?"

"Uh, nothing?" he was still clutching his coin in his hands. His hand was beginning to overheat, being shoved inside his pocket for so long. The chip was hot, absorbing his palm's warmth. Morgan didn't seem convinced.

As the rest of the team seemed to carry on with their conversations, not seeming to notice, or maybe and most likely pretending not to notice Morgan's disappearance.

Spencer suddenly felt uneasy now that Morgan's attention was focused on him. The young agent seemed to press against the wall of the yet, even more, his shoulder touching the window. Morgan slid into the seat directly in front of him.

Closing the book, Spencer didn't bother putting a bookmark or anything of the sort. Yet another reason an eidetic memory was helpful. Page two-hundred and one. That was an easy number in the first place.

"You know you can talk to me," Morgan gestured slightly to the group with BAU agents. "...and every member of our team?"

Shifting in his seat, Reid nodded tensely, looking down at the suddenly fascinating table. "I know…" but they wouldn't understand.

An awkward pause hung in the air for a moment before Morgan scoffed in what sounded a lot like amusement. Reid's gaze flickered up to meet Morgan's eyes, which were focused on Reid. The doctor rose an eyebrow, "What?"

"I know that this table isn't that interesting. What's eating at you?"

"I feel like he's criticizing me…" came the response.

A softened look appeared on Morgan's face, but it was haunted by a wave of dark anger that he tried to hide. "Hotch? Boy am I glad you feel the same way. What right does he have anyway?"

Spencer couldn't help but smile, shaking his head slightly. "He just comes and goes as he pleases, I'd appreciate a notice next time he disappears." the two seemed to relax as the conversation carried on.

No, they were not talking about Aaron Hotchner. They were talking about William Reid. Still, nobody needed to know that. Nobody except them.

* * *

Another hour ticked forward, this one actually going by quicker for Reid with the comfort of Morgan. Morgan was currently leaning back into his chair with his eyes shut. His mouth was open ever so slightly, snoring quietly. JJ and Hotch flipped through pages of work while the others slept.

Rossi excluded, as he was scribbling in a notepad.

Reid glanced up from the third book he had brought, eyes catching onto his "father's". The doctor was offered a measly smile and felt his decent mood turn into putty and collapse.

Snatching his bag up and heading to the bathroom on the jet, Reid shut the door. Now enclosed in the small area by himself. He put his face in his hands and set his bag on the floor. Silent sobs escaped him, tears seeping through his fingers and down his face.

After a minute or two, Spencer scrambled to pick up the bag from the ground. He opened it, revealing papers and his two books he had finished already. Too bad he had left his final one at his seat. Searching through the bag, he unzipped the small pouch he had sewed in months, no, years ago.

It was here he made the inciting mistake that was about to start his life in a downward spiral. He injected the hidden Dilaudid into his upper arm, sleeve pulled up as much as possible.

First was regret.

Then the bittersweet feeling as the drug took its hold on Reid.

* * *

His eyes flashed open and Reid stared at his hands with a horrified expression. No. No, no, _no_! He shoved the drug back into the pouch, zipping it up before covering the hidden patch with paper.

The coin in his pocket burned.

Not just warmed up, burned. Spencer scrambled to get the sobriety coin out of his pocket. His fingers recoiled at the touch of smooth bronze. It was foreign now, untrue. Oh, how the young man wished he could reverse time. Stop his past self.

Instead, the doctor let the medallion slip out of his fingers into the trash. It hit the bottom with a clang that rang in Reid's ears. What should have been a soft thud was like the ringing of a bell.

Ringing. Ringing. _Ringing_.

The young agent put the bag over his shoulder, scrambling to pull down his sleeves. The dot, the piercing in his arms just a horrible, sick reminder.

He was weak.

Spencer stepped forward shakily, reaching out the door before lightheadedness overtook him and he stumbled back ever so. Still dazed from his earlier escape, the agent finally dragged himself to the door.

He touched the doorknob, the metal feeling cold on his palm before he turned it and headed back into the main area of the jet. Two pairs of eyes glanced up to meet him. Rossi and William. Reid bit the inside of his cheek, wanting them to stop staring.

Judging. Did they know already? No… they couldn't. He could hide it. He knew he could hide it. Reid offered Rossi a dry smile before sitting down tersely in his chair. Morgan's eyes blinked open blearily at the noise.

Spencer Reid made the mistake of looking Morgan directly in the eye. They held each other's gaze for a solid moment before the doctor looked away, embarrassed.

Morgan looked mildly shocked, and Reid hoped the drudge that morning brought distracted him from what he was sure the older agent could see.

Regret. Weakness. Guilt.

God help him now. The spiral was already starting.

"Reid," Derek spoke, fixing the younger male with a hard gaze. "We need to have a talk when this plane lands."

* * *

"_All addictions are primitive and negative manifestations of a person's deeper needs. They are a sign that the person longs for a soul connection and an everlasting bliss." -Pulkit Sharma_

* * *

_**A/N: I really hope you all liked this chapter! Sorry it took so long to get posted. Reviews are greatly appreciated, no matter how small. Thank you so much for all the reviews you have given so far.**_


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter Four: White Picket Fence**

"_When everything goes to hell, the people who stand by you without flinching - they are your family. " -Jim Butcher_

* * *

Spencer glanced up in surprise at Morgan's harsh, serious tone. His stomach wrenched. His arm stung. His vision danced, and it felt like he couldn't breathe. If the doctor were to be standing, he was pretty sure he would crumble to the ground. The thump that he would make seemed so close to reality.

"Talk?" his voice came out a hoarse croak. He hastily regained his posture and focused on what was happening. "Why?" This time his voice came a bit smoother, less troubled.

The older agent's gaze didn't waver, but he leaned back, resting against the seat in a relaxed manner. Morgan seemed to have some sort of inner conflict as well. Reid could probably guess the reason.

Reid was the reason, wasn't he?

"You look like you need to unwind," came the long-awaited answer.

What? Where was the judgment? The disappointment that Reid had been expecting? His mind racing in confusion, Spencer ran a hand through his short hair. "Uh, w-we have a case… we can't take a break." The doctor snuck a glance at the stranger in the back of the plane.

William was looking at a framed picture, seeming a hundred miles away.

"The club's open all night," Morgan's words brought Spencer's gaze back to his friend. The tension that was choking moments before seemed to sliver down a drain. Reid offered a scrunched nose in response to the agent's offer. Clubs weren't really his thing. "Aha, now I've got you listening." Morgan seemed triumphant, Reid's eyes narrowed tentatively.

"Yeah… I've been listening, Morgan." Why else would he be doing? Anxiously awaiting the truth to be found out like scrambling to breathe in the guilt-ridden jet that made Spencer shrink into himself?

A breathy laugh rewarded Reid. "Sure you have, kid," He nodded but didn't look convinced in the slightest. Morgan's nonchalant attitude made Spencer uncomfortable but also reduced the stress in the young man's rapid thoughts and worries. "How about we get food and you can tell me things I didn't need to know?"

Reid blinked, his expression unreadable. Possibly because he didn't even know what to think. And yet, despite reasoning backing up the answer no, Reid found himself nodding. Was that a grin that he found tugging at his lips? "Okay..." They could pour over the case anytime.

Face distorting slightly, Derek looked out the window of the jet at the clouds below them. Sudden alertness flashed across his face. Worry pierced the doctor's stomach, making him swallow and lick his lips, tongue feeling like cotton balls. Morgan knew now, didn't he?

"Just no facts about where my food comes from, okay?" The older man deadpanned, but a twinkle in his eyes gaze away so much more. Hidden thoughts, amusement, hope, vexation.

"That's a deal," Reid couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips. Did he or did he not know? He was a profiler for god's sake! How did he not know what Morgan was thinking? "Wait…" Derek looked up and raised an eyebrow. "Where are we going to get food?"

Morgan smirked and offered a knowing shrug. "Somewhere with some cheap food, drinks, girls, loud surroundings…"

A bar. The laugh came easier this time, the laughter welling inside Reid and escaping in a humored chuckle. And yet he didn't complain, just gave a small shake of the head. The doctor's eyes flashed with actual enjoyment, despite the haunted secrets he had locked away.

"If we're going to a bar… You're paying, Morgan,"

* * *

Pulling up to a nice house with a fence surrounding it, Morgan stopped the car. For a moment, the team sat there in this chilling silence before Hotch opened the door. "This is it," the unit chief murmured to nobody in particular.

For a brief moment, Hotch didn't look like he usually did. His eyes were sharp, transparent and allowing anger to seep through his movements. His fist clenched then loosened and as Reid looked back to his face, saw that the male looked like his usual self again. A diplomat, a leader.

Reid slid out the van, joining the rest of the team. He was the last out, ground feeling like it was life-sucking syrup. Every step he took closer to the house the syrup grew thicker. Making it harder and harder to move. What were only a few seconds felt like hours. Being stuck in a cramped van with his father suddenly wasn't the worst thing that had happened to him that day.

Once everyone was out of the van, the team began to head inside. Rossi knocked and was rewarded with silence. Another knock followed by a, "Mrs. Reid? FBI."

Spencer hated that with all his might. It wasn't right! Mrs. Reid?

A series of clicks echoed through the painstakingly silent crowd and then the door inched open slightly. Reid caught a glimpse of a woman with wary, cocoa brown eyes on the other side. Then a relieved smile spread across her wrinkled face and she opened the door.

This had to be William's wife, Elana, the doctor bit his tongue, fighting the swarm of emotions that nearly overcame him. It was an older woman, about his fath- about William's age, with pale skin and long, pale blond hair that reached below her shoulders. It had to have been dyed, for the color was free of any gray.

When she spotted the foreign amongst the BAU team, her smile only brightened. She rushed into William's arms, letting out a relieved laugh. Her dress fluttered behind her as she ran. "Oh, Will, I was worried about you."

White dots spotted Reid's vision and he wavered on his feet. The walls felt like they were closing on him and he wasn't even inside the house yet.

This was wrong.

So, so wrong.

An arm suddenly rested on Spencer's shoulder and he barely kept himself from wincing away. Just inches away from that hand was the evidence that he had failed his team. Glancing over, the doctor spotted Rossi looking at him with sympathy. Quickly Reid looked away, staring at the pavement.

"We should head inside," Hotch's voice was firm, more commanding then suggesting. The woman pulled away from William and nodded. Her face seemed to grow four years, settling into a serious, terse expression.

"You're right, we shouldn't be out in the open too long…" She trailed off, glancing around as if expecting someone to jump out at her. Any sign of giddy from before had vanished in an instant. Leading the group inside, Elana brushed some hair from her face. "Sorry about the mess!"

The second Reid stepped into the house, he needed to get out. Picture frames settled neatly on the tables, his father's smiling face burned into the young man's mind. Almost painfully.

"It's fine," Hotch answered. What mess? The house seemed to be in pristine condition, each picture perfectly placed, books pleasingly stacked against each other. The woman paused for a second to move vase a touch to the left.

A silence filled the air before Elana looked at the large team with an unreadable look. She didn't seem unnerved by the crowd of strangers but took a deep breath to settle herself anyway. "Would you like to sit? Or I could get you a drink. The children are upstairs, they shouldn't bother us."

The air felt knocked from Spencer's lungs as he watched William walk up to his wife and wrap an arm around her waist. Sitting sounded nice… but maybe that was because Reid felt like he would shatter like glass if he stood any longer. Morgan seemed to catch this.

"I wouldn't mind sitting," Morgan commented and the woman nodded, leading the team to a living room.

Once everyone was settled, Elana and William shared a look then began to speak. "The threats started coming-"

"-You already told us. Shortly after I left." Reid snapped, before ducking his head in embarrassment as all eyes turned to him. Or at least it felt like everyone's eyes were staring at him. In reality, only William and Elana looked over in surprise at his bluntness.

"Yes," Hotch regarded the doctor's words dismissively, and Reid gritted his teeth. "William, I'll need you to give us access to your computers. Our technical analyst will find out the exact date. But right now, I'd like to know some facts about you."

"Anything," William's hand entwined with Elana's and Reid felt sick.

"When did you and Elana get married?" Rossi asked this question. They could've had Penelope look it up, but there was no need. Marriage dates weren't usually a secret. This shouldn't be any different.

William had to think for a moment before he answered, "About six months ago,"

To Spencer, this felt like a punch to the gut and he took a silent, but shaky breath. Morgan and Hotch shared a look and Derek gave the briefest of nods. "Reid," he began, getting to his feet.

The married couple looked up and then started to get up before Hotch continued speaking to them, asking about the exact date. They settled back down and Elana answered.

Spencer got to his feet hurriedly, picking up his book and following Morgan out of the house. Both understood what was going on, even if the doctor had been confused for a moment. Once outside, Derek put a hand on Reid's shoulder.

"Let's go get that drink,"

* * *

The bar was loud, even with Spencer and Morgan located in the back. Chips were centered in the middle of the table, though they had been left untouched. Morgan raised a glass to his lips and drank the liquid in a few gulps.

Setting the drink down, the agent sighed in contentment. The glass clinked on the table and Spencer's hand moved to his neck, rubbing at his nape awkwardly. Morgan made no move to start an unnecessary conversation and the doctor made no movement to drink.

His stomach lurched in disgust just thinking about it. He knew he was weak, he knew he would tell Morgan everything if he let his guard down and drank.

Besides, Reid was already addicted to drugs. He didn't want to add alcohol to that list too. It was a few moments before the first word was spoken between the two.

"What are you thinking about ordering?" Morgan asked, scanning over a drink menu a waitress handed him when they first arrived. Beginning to list alcohol he was thinking about getting, the agent laughed and shook his head.

When Morgan didn't show any intention of explaining himself, Reid had to ask. "What's so funny?" his words felt strange on his tongue. It wasn't that he was saying something he usually wouldn't say, just that speaking felt wrong. No words could describe how he was feeling, so he shouldn't try to speak at all, right?

"Is it bad I want to sample every one of these?"

Reid squinted in an attempt to see what Morgan was reading but the two were sitting across from each other so he only ended up seeing the desert of the month.

Brownies with fudge syrup and strawberries.

"Yes?" Spencer finally answered, allowing a sneaking smile to play at his lips. "Yes, it is," they were still working. Or they should. "It's not even the evening yet."

A contagious laugh echoed from Morgan's lips and the doctor found himself smiling. A real, amused smile. Not faked or distressed or full of deceptions and secrets. How did Morgan do that? Lighten the mood with one laugh?

The older agent of the two set the menu down with a sigh and a shake of his head before sliding the chips closer to him. As he began to eat the appetizers, Reid looked around the bar. It seemed less headache-inducing now, but it was still far was peaceful. How had he let Derek convince him into coming to a Las Vegas bar?

Easy conversation drifted over the two, time ticking by in a blur now that Spencer let himself relax. When the second round of drinks was delivered, Morgan picked the drink up and clinked it on Spencer's water. "Salute," before drinking half of the drink.

Reid sipped on his water. "Did you know that the actual wording is 'Alla salute'? It's derived from the Italian-"

"Reid, Reid, Reid," the young doctor fell silent at Morgan interruption. Even after almost two tall cups of beer, Morgan didn't seem drunk. Or maybe that was because Morgan always acted like he was drunk when he was not on the job. "When I told you that you could tell me a bunch of random stuff, I was kinda joking."

A smile flickered to Spencer's face. "Oh no, you asked for this," And then he went on to fill the agent's mind with a bunch of random facts about Italian phrases.

The next half hour seemed to breeze by as the two were engulfed in conversation. Finally, Morgan sighed deeply and pushed aside his now empty third. "We should go," he murmured to the doctor. "The team'll be missing us."

As Morgan made his move to leave to pay, Spencer felt his heart lurch. "Morgan, wait!" The agent stopped, looked back to the younger man and hummed in questioning. "I want to talk to you," Reid explained, casting his gaze to the wood flooring of the bar.

Derek's gaze softened slightly and he nodded, sitting back down. "What is it?"

"Morgan, I'm… I'm so lost…" Reid whispered, voice barely loud enough to hear in the boisterous bar. The young agent forced his gaze upward, catching onto Morgan's encouraging, comforting gaze.

"I know, kid, I know," Morgan folded the menu and pushed it to the side.

Now that he was talking, the agent couldn't seem to stop. "I can't even… I can't even look at myself anymore. I'm supposed to be a genius, but I feel so stupid. What's wrong with me?" Reid's voice broke at the last part and tears built up in his eyes.

There was a pause and Derek frowned. "Nothing is wrong with you, Spencer," Reid kept his gaze trained on the empty chip bowl on the table. "Kid, look at me."

With great force, Reid dragged his gaze to meet his friends. The tears were threatening to fall now. "I failed, Morgan," he didn't wait for the agent to ask what he failed. "I'm still a… a fucking addict." He practically spat the words out.

Icy silence gripped the two, even the bar seemed to grow quiet at the revelation. "You starting taking Dilaudid again?" Morgan asked in shock. Hadn't it been obvious? "Reid… how long?" Had the agent really not found out at that moment on the plane?

"On the plane," Reid closed his eyes, his mistake repeating in his mind. A quiet sob wracked his body. "I tried, Morgan, I tried…" He had!

Morgan's chair scraped on the floor as he stood up and walked over. "Reid," the young man's body hiccuped as he failed to fight his tears. "Reid, I'll help you get through this. I'll help, okay? You're not a failure. Let me help you."

Through his blurry vision, the young man nodded. "Okay. Please help me." Then he shook as another sob wracked his body.

* * *

"**You can't stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you. You have to go to them sometimes." -A.A. Milne**

* * *

**A/N: I just want to say, thank you all SO much for all the support. You are all truly amazing! Tell me what you'd like to see in this book! All reviews are appreciated, even if it's only like- one word.**

**Okay, time for me to sleep because I'm exhausted. Thanks again for reading my book!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Chapter Five: Rocky Pasts**

"_I did not know how to reach him, how to catch up with him... The land of tears is so mysterious." - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry_

* * *

"Is Boy Wonder in the room?" Garcia's timid voice beamed from the phone. Hotch, setting the phone on the table with the speaker on, instinctively checked for the doctor.

No Reid, or Morgan.

The team had moved to the conference room Elana and her force had supplied in the police station. The only people in the room were the BAU team, minus the two previously noted to be absent. An absence Hotch had excused. Without requesting any information. The less he knew about where the two had decided to relieve stress, the less knowledge he knew that could get them in trouble.

He would have to check with Morgan, though. Later.

JJ answered Penelope, "He's not, and neither is Derek,"

An abnormal sigh that contained both relief and terseness was the reaction given by the technical analyst. "Then prepare for a _load _of information," Her voice lifted into a more relaxed and comfortable tone. "Elana Reid, formerly known as Elana Moretti, was married to William on May 15th, 2010," A series of clicks on the other line sounded. "And before that- to a Jonathan Smith in 1986. She has four children."

"Tell me more about her marriage with Jonathan," Hotchner prompted, moving to a whiteboard and writing out the name of the man.

Another swarm of typing and a deep breath as Garcia prepared to speak. "They got married in December… she did not take his last name-"

Rossi glanced up from the floor, his eyebrows were drawn together suddenly. "She didn't take his last name?" he shared a look with Hotch. "Can you figure out why?"

"Uh, uh… right away, no. But I can do some digging and-"

"That's okay, do that later. Sorry I interrupted." Rossi amended, settling back into his chair and drumming his fingers silently on his chair's armrest.

"Mhm, okidoki. Two months after her and Jon were married, she had a baby girl, named Eliza. About two years after that they had Thomas and then they filed for divorce in 1992. There was a custody battle and get this- William was Elana's lawyer. She won full custody and got both children." Garcia's words were accompanied by a low breeze of typing as she found out information as she recounted to the team.

"So that's how they met… a custody battle for her kids," Emily shook her head, speaking for the first time since they arrived at the police station. "That's a right-away bond alright."

Hotch paused for a moment, eyebrows knitting together briefly in thought. "Doesn't Elana have four kids?" he asked after a moment.

"Yes, yes!" Garcia's hands clasping together was heard through the phone. "In 1994 she adopted twin girls who were just a few months old at the time. Ashlee and Kaylee Price. Their last names were changed to Moretti once adopted." The female then went silent as she waited for the next question.

"How old was she when she adopted them?" Rossi inquired.

"Forty-one,"

"How did a single parent that was forty-one get approved to adopt?" The older agent continued and was met by silence. Garcia huffed in thought and began clicking away on her keys.

A heavy silence hung in the air while Penelope searched for an answer. Meanwhile, Hotch was writing down the names that had been listed so far in black marker.

"Oh," Garcia's murmur broke the quiet room. "She had multiple references accompanying her application. Like- a lot. Her boss, a ton of friends, and get this… one from William Reid."

It was the first name she had said his last name, and an awkward pause stung the group before they quickly recovered. "So they kept in touch," JJ commented, shaking her head.

Hotch, moving in a different direction now, underlined Jonathan's name. "Garcia,"

"Yes, sir?"

"Could you tell me about Jonathan Smith?" He asked, taking a step back to look at the board as he capped his marker. Hotch's expression was firm and emotionless, as it always was. As if he expected a group of reporters to storm in at any moment.

Which was possible.

"I can, sir," Garcia stopped typing for a moment. Her chair slid across the floor as she most likely moved to a different computer. "I'm going to need a moment though. I'll call you back when I have something! Adios mi amors!" Then the phone went dead.

A deep sigh fell from Prentiss' lips and her head fell back as she stared at the ceiling. "Do you think it could be Jonathan?" Her display of exhaustion was short-lived as she fixed her posture.

Hotch looked over, "I don't know, he's a viable suspect due to the circumstances," Turning his attention to the entire team, the unit chief examined their faces. "Let's look at those threats again..."

* * *

Reid's face melted into relief when Morgan agreed to help. "Okay…" he repeated quietly. His tears subdued and he leaned back into his chair. Arms wrapping around his stomach, sleeves drooping to his palms and hiding the marks he hid, the doctor took a steadying breath.

Glancing around the loud bar, Morgan pursed his lips. "Hallie?" He called out to the waitress with a wave of his hand. The short brunette turned at her name being called, her curly hair bounced at the sudden movement. Heading over to the two, she brushed a loose strand from her face.

"Yes?" She looked over to the menu. "Would you like to order?"

Morgan shook his head, leaving his silent coworker to narrow his eyes in confusion. "No, I'd like to pay," He didn't even try to flirt with her like he had done when they first arrived.

A brief frown spread across the female's face but she nodded, smile fixing itself. "I'll get your check," With that, the waitress headed into the bustling crowd. Standing out only due to her simple working outfit. Soon enough, even Reid couldn't see her and he looked over to Morgan.

"What was that?" the young doctor implored.

Derek's face contorted into a look of amusement, but for once the humor didn't reach his eyes. A quick glance at Spencer's arms forced a look of concern in the brown of his eyes. "We should talk, somewhere quieter…"

Having caught the sudden look of sadness in his friend's eyes, Reid's hand moved to cover his arms. "Quieter than a bar? That sounds _impossible_," The attempt at sarcasm was feeble, but at least he had tried. Spencer sighed and ran licked his dry lips. "Sorry, I mean- thanks…"

"Don't apologize,"

The young man nodded and watched as Hallie reappeared with a check. A few minutes passed in a blur and soon enough, the two agents had made it out of the bar. Bag clutched to his side, the strap resting on his shoulder, Reid's gaze was on the sidewalk.

The air was chilly, but Reid dismissed it because- really anything would've been cold compared to the cramped bar. "Where are we going?"

Derek's gaze turned to the doctor and he shrugged. A dry laugh escaped him, and the older agent took a deep breath. "I was thinking we could take a walk? It's pretty nice out,"

"For November in Las Vegas? It's a lot better than just 'nice'," No needless facts followed Reid's statement, causing Morgan to internally wince.

"You saying that because it's colder than usual? How cold does it even get in November?" Casually prompting Reid to speak, to start listing random information, Derek began to head away from the bar. Reid quickly adjusted his bag and caught up with the male.

"Yes, I suppose I am," a pause but no answer to the question. "Derek?"

The agent looked over to Reid as he walked. Now that they strayed away from the hot, clammy bar, the temperature began to even out. Neither cold nor hot. "Yeah, kid?"

"Do you think everyone will notice?" a resigned sigh followed Spencer's words.

Morgan's pressed his lips together, not wanting to answer. Catching a glance from the younger agent that pleaded for honesty, he sighed. "Yeah, kid, I think they'll notice…" After all, the BAU was a group of profilers.

"Will my d- will William?"

Something in the way Reid said that made Morgan's stomach twist in sympathy. A part of Spencer wanted his dad to notice, didn't it? Maybe not notice the drug addiction, but notice him. The pain he was feeling. You didn't have to be a profiler to figure out that the young doctor wanted William to pay him attention. "I don't know the answer to that one."

"Oh," Reid shoved his hands in his pockets. "Yeah. It's probably for the best anyway."

"Spence?" the doctor looked over at the nickname. His lip's tugged upward, and his smile barely reached his eyes. Morgan calling him that was weird, in an amusing way. They stopped walking. "I know you probably have heard this way too much… but I need you to listen. And listen well…" While his words were firm, Morgan wasn't upset, just concerned.

Examining the cracks in the sidewalk, Spencer waited for Morgan to continue. He didn't. So the young man looked up at his friend, who then offered a faint smile. Reid returned the gesture, though his smile was pathetic compared to what he could normally do.

"I can see you are hurting…" Reid looked away at this, shrinking into himself as his smile fell.

All his life, the young man had learned to hide his true feelings. From his mom, who rarely seemed to notice. From his teachers, who expected him to crack under the pressure of being so young at all times. And then from his team, who cared more than he was ever used to. Because he could hide from everyone but a group of profilers, a group of friends, who read him like a picture book.

"We can all see that you're hurting… and we want to help. I know you're not used to hearing that. Kid, I know. But our team won't let you suffer alone. They'll find out and do whatever they can to fix your problems. Small or big, ya know?"

"I'm not good with breaking down, Morgan…" Warm tears threatened to fall from his eyes and he finally convinced himself to look at his teammate.

Morgan's face was full of that warm, soothing understanding. "Pretty boy, trust me, I know. I thought I could hide my past from them too. I thought I could be strong all the time. But you know how that ended."

"You're stronger than me… you went through so much worse and didn't do what I did…"

"Don't compare our stories," Morgan placed a hand on Reid's shoulder. "That'll get you nowhere. Listen- I'm no good at comforting, but I'm sure as hell going to try if that's what you need."

Laughter and tears broke Reid's blank face. Bittersweet laughter and tears. The kind you got when you realized someone was finally willing to listen. Relief, grief, hope, anxiety.

Hugging Morgan, Reid sighed shakily and relaxed in the older agent's warm embrace. "I can't get you off my back, can I?"

"Nope. You're stuck with me, Pretty boy."

And Reid was pretty sure that he was okay with that.

* * *

"_Stop thinking you're doing it all wrong. Your path doesn't look like anybody else's because it can't, it shouldn't, and it won't." -Eleanor Brownn_

* * *

**A/N: Sorry this took so long, the ages and dates took like- forever to figure out. Things should start to look up for Reid! Thank you all so much for reading! Keep reviewing, please! I _love_ hearing from you all!**

**Question: Who do you suspect?**


	6. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six: Walking a Tightrope**

"_You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have." -Cayla Mills_

* * *

It was late when Morgan had succeeded in calming down Reid. After their talk, they wandered for a bit, discussing random things in the November draft. Somewhere during the walk, Morgan managed to get another drink, which brought merriment to the duo.

Now they were returning to where they would be staying. A hotel room above a casino. As the doors were pushed open, a warm rush of air hit them and Morgan sighed loudly.

It wasn't really cold outside, but the heat of the hotel was relaxing. Spencer was drumming his fingers against his legs as he walked, a twinge of nerves still radiating from the hapless agent.

Morgan threw his arm around Spencer's shoulders, seeming to have mellowed out since they left the bar and tiredness took its dreary place. "Do you hear that sweet sound of people losing and winning money like-" He snapped. "-that?" The agent laughed and Spencer couldn't help but smile as well.

While too tired to spout what he thought were very interesting facts about gambling machines, Reid looked over at one poor soul.

A young man, barely seeming to pass the legal age to gamble, slammed his fists down on the machine. Spencer knew exactly what he could do to win something, in fact, the young man seemed awfully close, but instead of continuing the game, he swore loudly and got up, kicking his chair repeatedly.

Some guards arrived and roughly escorted him out of the casino. Morgan laughed, shaking his head at the stupor of it all. Spencer rolled his eyes and ran a hand through his not-so-long-anymore hair.

Reid couldn't help but watch the man kick and scream as the guards dragged him out. Casting a grateful look at Morgan when the older agent was turned away, Spencer took a calming breath and switched his focus.

Gambling addiction, alcohol addiction, drug addiction. All of them needed some help to get over with. And Reid was really glad he had Morgan... and his team. Which he wasn't too sure he was going to tell.

* * *

Morning came too early. The entire team had been up late. Morgan and Reid had talked. And the rest of them had worked, and worked, and worked.

They had found out some facts about the Moretti family before growing too tired they could barely keep their eyes open. Garcia had even fallen asleep in between questions asked. Hotch had courteously ended the phone call then, thus allowing the team to head to where they would be sleeping.

Despite his late night, Reid's eyes fluttered open after what had to be barely more than five hours. His throat's sandpapery edges forced him up out of bed and to the sink where he cupped water and drank it in a few sloppy gulps.

His hands were shaking, and the urge was becoming more of a demand. With Morgan sleeping just a few feet away, Spencer tried to focus his breathing, it didn't work. He still needed it. But he didn't want it.

Stumbling out of the bathroom, Reid reached out to Derek, touching his shoulder. The agent's eyes flashed open in an instant. "Pretty boy? What's up?" He asked, voice slurred from weariness.

"It's… it's happening," he clenched and unclenched his hands. "I need- I _need _it! God, help me, _please…_"

By now Morgan was up and glanced around for the bag. "Where's the bag, Reid?"

"I took the Diliduad out, my bag's under my bed." Derek made a move to get to the bag but Reid shook his head. "I-no, stop, it's not in my bag, it's…" he hesitated. "...in the closet."

The older agent moved to the closet, opening it and pulling out the drawers slightly. When he found the plastic bag with what Spencer was trying to keep away from himself, he couldn't help but grimace. Then, he quickly picked up the drugs and shoved it in his pocket, away from Reid.

"Okay, Reid, breathe," Morgan instructed, Spencer tried. And failed. His breathing came in sharp gasps and he stumbled back onto the bed. "You've got this… just breathe." Derek moved over to the bed and put an arm around the younger agent in a hug.

At first, Spencer flinched at the touch, but then he sank into it. His breathing steadied. After a few moments, he managed to close his eyes and think of something else. It took about ten minutes, but Reid was finally comfortable enough to open his eyes.

"Thank you, Morgan," he breathed.

"I said anytime, didn't I?"

"We should get ready… what time is it?" As he asked, Spencer looked over at the clock. "Six?" he sighed begrudgingly. "Then I suppose we should get ready for work?"

Derek huffed dramatically, "Yeah…" Arm still supporting Reid's shaky self, Morgan glanced over at Reid, who seemed much calmer than he did moments ago. They sat for a tad longer before arising and getting ready for the day.

* * *

"What can you tell us about Jonathan?"

A knock at the door caused Elana to stand up in a smooth motion. "One moment, please?" She asked Hotch, who nodded. With confirmation, she headed to the door. She hovered in front of the peephole for a moment, wariness in her every movement, before stepping back and opening the door.

Reid, who was quietly discussing dates with Morgan and Emily as the two males got caught up on what they had missed, looked up to see who answered the door.

William was at work, having left before they arrived. Maybe about the time he and Morgan had woken up, really. Whenever he left, it was eight now. Elana had taken a day off, and her two older children would be stopping by soon.

As if on cue, a pale-skinned female who looked very similar to Elana, other than her brown hair, stepped inside. "Eliza, love, how are you feeling?" The wife of Reid's father looked down at Eliza's stomach, which was round.

"She's pregnant?" Spencer asked Emily under his breath.

"Yeah, five months along, with her... husband? Fiance? I'm not sure right now."

"Oh,"

Eliza glanced over at shoulder as a slightly younger male entered the house as well. He too shared many similarities with his mother, and Reid assumed this to be Thomas. "I'm fine, thanks mom," the pregnant female replied. "The baby's doing fine as well." Her face melted into a concerned frown. "What about you?"

A dry laugh escaped Elana as she led the two over to the living room with Hotch and JJ. Rossi was pouring over the threats again near the table Reid was at. "Oh, you know, as well as I can be," Elana finally answered once everyone had taken a seat.

Hotch, nodded a greeting to the newcomers. Thomas smiled curtly before a plump tabby cat bounded onto his lap.

_He also has a very sick cat._ Reid remembered Garcia's words with a clench of his fists.

"Now, could you tell me about Jonathan? Has he been around recently?" JJ prompted, returning to the matter at hand. Reid turned his attention back to his small huddle, though he could've sworn he saw a flurry of emotion flash through Eliza at the name.

Elana, not seeming fazed, answered a bit too smoothly. "No, we haven't seen him much since the divorce. Jonathan is a busy man. And William doesn't really like him being around. Naturally, right?"

The two members of the BAU nodded and looked over to Eliza and Thomas. "What about you two?"

Thomas shared a look with his mother, a look clouded for a moment. She shook her head ever so slightly, which Hotch caught. "Not really, like my mom said, he's always busy."

"I've seen him lately," Eliza suddenly spoke up. "He's been asking about the baby, and I feel guilty about not seeing him very much, so we meet up at cafes sometimes."

Elana didn't react. Though Thomas winced slightly and touched his sister's shoulder. They shared another opaque look, this one carried a bit of sadness. Eliza offered a small smile in return.

"Is there something you are leaving out?" Hotch spoke up. His eyes were narrowed distrustfully. "Because we can't help you if we don't know the truth."

Silence.

JJ got to her feet, picking up her bag, Hotch followed suit. "If you aren't willing to tell us everything, then there's really nothing we can do," JJ added on apologetically. "Guys?"

Before the rest of the BAU could get up, Thomas spoke up quickly. "I'm sorry mom," he whispered. "But there is something else." this time he directed his words at JJ. "My dad was an abusive monster before my mom managed to divorce him."

"Thomas!" Elana hissed and her son ducked his head.

JJ and Hotch sat down again, focusing on the three people in the living room. "How bad?" JJ asked quietly. It was hard to imagine it, even if it was something the team was exposed to often.

Eliza spoke now, and Elana leaned back into her couch, looking tired. "Bad. My mom filed for divorce when he threw a glass bottle at Thomas' head, gave him a concussion and cut into his head real bad. He was only four."

The brother's hand drifted to his head as if on instinct. Beneath the curly waves, a large cut was barely able to be made out by JJ. She winced, feeling nauseous as she thought of Henry.

"Do you think he's capable of this?" the BAU unit chief asked composedly. He too, couldn't help but think of his own child.

"As I said, he was- is nasty, but I honestly… don't think so…" Thomas was speaking quietly, the severity of his words seeming to be suffocating him. JJ instantly felt guilty about making them relive whatever they went through. "My dad wouldn't have the patience for this."

Eliza once again intervened. "Tom, you didn't really know him like mom and I did. I remember when he wasn't drunk, he… he messed with our heads instead of actually hurting up." She placed a hand on her stomach and cast her eyes down. "Like when he once told me that if I ever tried to run away, he'd find me and… and hold mom underwater, thirty seconds for every hour I was gone." Eliza was crying now, and Thomas wrapped his arms around her.

Reid, who had been listening ever since JJ had first stood up, closed his eyes to take a focusing breath. He felt someone put a hand on his, which was placed on the table, and he opened his eyes. Emily looked at him with concern.

"What are you thinking?" She murmured, careful to keep the discussion just between the three at the table.

"I'm thinking, why would Jonathan want my da- William to stop talking to me and my mom? And not Elana to stop talking to William?"

* * *

"_There are far too many silent sufferers. Not because they don't yearn to reach out, but because they've tried and found no one who cares." -Richelle E. Goodrich_

* * *

**A/N: There! Sorry for the incredibly long wait! I'm hoping to start posting more frequently now, but I can never predict when inspiration and time come at the same time. Cue the shrug. Well, how do you feel about this chapter? What about the new characters (Eliza, Thomas, and Jonathan)? If there's anything you'd like to be cleared up in future chapters, just review! Also, you know... just review. I love hearing from you guys! You truly are the reason I write. Have a good rest of your day/night!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Chapter Seven: Dear William**

"_A man must be big enough to admit his mistakes, smart enough to profit from them, and strong enough to correct them." -John C. Maxwell_

* * *

**11/15/08**

**William Reid, **

**Did you know I have been watching you? The way you walk, the way you talk, and the way you THINK. **

**You are such a doubter, a user! I see the way you kiss her! Do you like it? Do you like the way that you pretend you want a family with her? **

Because the words were typed up and emailed, Reid was unable to pinpoint handwriting. The writer seemed to be well-rounded, and while his writing was kind of spotty, it was apparent he knew how to compose properly.

Reid read the next email.

**11/19/08**

**William Reid, **

**I'm still here! No matter how much you try to ignore me.**

**How DARE you take her and use her! You user! I'll kill you! I see that you think of your first wife when you kiss Elana, I see that you think of that PIG. Don't talk to her. Don't even think of her! Stupid, stupid pig!**

A strong feeling of loathing welled inside Reid at the insults directed at his mother. Forcing his personal thoughts aside, he reflected on the writing. The second letter was more clear, but still quite vexing. If Jonathan wrote the letters, why did he seem to care so much about Diana?

Or was he calling William a pig?

**12/4/08**

**William Reid,**

**Do you not take me seriously? Do you doubt what I can do? I'M STILL HERE AND I'M WATCHING YOU! Stay away from Diana! **

Confusion riddling Spencer, he skipped ahead a few months.

**3/9/09**

**Will,**

**I feel as if I've been a bit harsh in my letters to you. I just need you to understand I am not someone to be messed with. I thought I'd also give you something to remember me by. Something to make you understand the power I have over you and you're family. **

Attached to the writing was a link. Garcia had been thoughtful enough to attach the photo that had been shown on the next piece of paper. Two teenage girls, twins, posed for a picture in front of a school. Reid recognized them immediately as Ashlee and Kaylee, Elana's daughters.

The change from aggressive to almost conciliatory in the emails made Reid's eyes narrow. Whoever the stalker was, he knew a lot. He wasn't just stalking William, but the entire Moretti family.

**3/30/09**

**William Reid, **

**I GAVE YOU SOME FREEDOM. How DARE you suddenly break the rules! **

**You looked him up again! DO YOU NOT THINK I HAVE ACCESS TO EVERYTHING YOU DO? Because I DO!**

**Don't look at him, don't think of him, don't! He is NOT your son! He's the son of that pig, Diana and you are FORBIDDEN to speak with him. Do you WANT to feel my wrath? DO YOU EVEN KNOW THE PAIN I CAN CAUSE YOU? You are on VERY thin ice. **

**And you KNOW how short my patience is, don't you?**

By now Spencer was sure that Jonathan couldn't be the unsub. He may be a ruthless, horrible person, but the unsub didn't seem to mind Elana. Just Diana, and Spencer himself. Surely Jonathan's rage would be directed at Elana, and not Reid's mother.

**4/1/09**

**Will, **

**I'm glad you've come to your senses. **

Reid attempted to roll the kinks out his neck. So far this had been the shortest letter yet. He glanced over his shoulder, outside the conference room of the police station. He spotted Elana chatting with another policeman and barely suppressed a flinch when she turned abruptly and looked at him through the glass.

Her eyes were sort of clouded, and a sad look flared across her expression. She seemed worried and upset but was clearly trying hard to hide it. Despite the fact that Spencer found himself fighting the urge to dislike her, he was sort of impressed.

Elana would have to be really strong to keep going to work, even though a stalker was out there, targeting her and her family.

Still, something felt wrong about her. He averted his gaze and shuffled the papers in front of him. Her eyes turned away from him as she walked away, out of view. Reid's shoulders loosened and he let out a relieved sigh.

**4/6/09**

**Will, **

**I feel like we have a connection, Will. Do you feel it? Listen, I like you. I won't ask you to leave Elana. You seem happy. Maybe you could take her someplace special. Would that make you smile?**

**Anyway, I'm glad you are following my rules. But why are you so hesitant? So scared? I won't hurt you. I would never hurt you. But if I have to hurt someone else to make sure you stay in line, don't think for a second I won't hesitate. **

At this letter, Spencer stopped to think for a moment. It was the first time the stalker seemed to express affection for William. But was the connection the stalker thought they had a romantic way? Which pressed the bigger question.

Was the stalker a woman?

An idea struck Reid and he hastily searched through the pile of papers until he found it.

**5/15/10**

**Will, **

**Congratulations! You're a married man now! Married to a real woman, not a- well. I'm pretty sure you know who I am referring to. I was there, you know. I watched you say "I do" with the biggest smile. **

**Oh, I am so glad you are happy! So glad you've moved on! All I want you to know is that I want you to be happy. And now I know you are, all because Diana and Spencer are out your life for good. **

**That pig Diana never deserved you. Just remember, one wrong text, one wrong call, one wrong thought, one wrong anything and I will kill EVERYONE you care about! **

**But it's only because I love you. I have to leave now for a bit, but remember our connection. **

**\- R.**

Once he read the letter, he looked over the ones he had missed so he was sure. When he was positive he was, Spencer ran a hand through his messy hair. The stalker had signed R, the first signature the stalker had left.

By now Reid was sure the stalker was a woman. She wrote with care, with precision, and the writing just lacked what a male stalker would have. And now he knew something about her, R. He just needed to figure out what that meant.

He'd need to ask Garcia to compile a list of guests at William's wedding with a first or last name starting with R.

As if on cue, the phone rang and Spencer couldn't help but wince. He'd been on edge since they got there, but once Reid realized it was only Garcia calling, he let his shoulders go slack.

Reid put the phone on speaker while he rubbed at his tired eyes. Work seemed to drown out his problems, so that was all he allowed himself to do. That and try to convince everyone he was fine.

"Boy Genius, I just got some chilling information."

Spencer felt a sick feeling churn in his stomach. She knew about his addiction. Or his mother was hurt. Or someone died. Or-

"What?" He forced out, voice much meeker than planned.

Garcia went on more concerned, and Reid kicked himself mentally for showing his weakness. "William's stalker just emailed him. It's just- just horrible. Should I read it to you? Or I can- is there a printer where you are?"

The young doctor glanced around, spotting it right away in the corner of the room. "Yeah, wireless, too."

"Thank the heavens! I'll just do a bit of this…" typing sounded of the phone. "And could you go turn it on?" Reid got up and turned it on. "Thank you!"

Seconds later, a paper began printing out. Reid didn't even want to know how Garcia had done that from Quantico. "Thanks, Garcia,"

"Anytime love," there was a pause as Reid took the paper out of the printer. "I'm here for you. Just call for some love!" Then she hung up.

While he knew he most likely wouldn't call, he appreciated her words. Taking the hot, newly printed paper to the table, he set it down and read, his brief bout of amusement fading instantly.

**11/13/10**

**William Reid, **

**How DARE you BREAK my trust? You went so LONG and I THOUGHT YOU UNDERSTOOD! Don't contact them and they'd be safe. Don't contact them and your family would be SAFE. **

**BUT YOU LIED TO ME! YOU LIED WHEN YOU SAID YOU WOULDN'T CONTACT THEM! Do you underestimate my abilities? My outreach? My ability to destroy everything you've ever cared about?**

**I told you I LOVED you and still, you cheat the rules! The VERY simple rules! You're a liar, a cheater and how dare you call the FBI? You know what happened when you went to the police the first time. I knew and you're wife broke her arm. OBVIOUSLY, that wasn't enough. **

**But trust me when I say, you will PAY. Soon you'll understand the love I have for you, how much I CARE FOR YOU. I guess I just have to make it more clear. **

**And to the agents who I am sure are reading this, watch your backs because I DON'T care for you, and I swear you'll regret getting into this. **

**Especially you, Doctor Spencer Reid. **

**\- R.**

* * *

"_A__nger is useful only to a certain point. After that, it becomes rage, and rage will make you careless."- Lauren Oliver_

* * *

**A/N: There you go! Tell me what you think! I really hope you enjoyed this chapter.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight: Coffee and Darkness**

_"I am both happy and sad at the same time, and I'm still trying to figure out how that could be." -Stephen Chbosky_

* * *

"I don't think it's Jonathan," Reid said as the door opened. He was still focused intently on the papers, rereading them over and over. He'd gone over the ones he'd skipped, and Spencer was certain the stalker was a female.

"You don't?"

The young man flinched in surprise and his eyes darted upward. Closing the door was Elana with a steaming mug of coffee. "Oh, um, sorry. I thought you were someone else." Quickly, Reid buried himself back into the papers, heart thumping in his throat.

She didn't leave. Setting the mug on the desk beside him, she took a seat and gazed over at the emails. "Are those the emails?" Elana asked timidly, peering at one of them.

"Yes,"

"I can't believe Will never told me about them… I'm sure I could've helped…" the female paused. "Well, he did… but I can't believe it took so long… Can I read them?"

Uncertainty squirmed inside Reid and he nodded. Where were the others?

"Thank you… Also, the coffee is for you, Morgan told me you like a lot of sugar." The Chief clarified, picking up a heap of papers Reid wasn't looking at. She stacked them together and sat them down in a neat pile. Agitatedly, she picked at her nails. "Can you even work in a place this untidy?"

Reid took a steadying breath and tore his gaze from the papers. She was right, papers were everywhere, but it was organized chaos. Not wanting to seem rude, Spencer put them into slightly more orderly piles and sipped on the coffee she had gotten him.

"I can help." Elana offered, already beginning to sort through everything on the table. "You look so tired, are you alright?"

Her voice was kind and motherly, but there was something in her brown eyes that sent shivers down Reid's spine. Perturbation?

"I'm fine… we've just been busy…" Where the _hell _was his team? He glanced around as Elana continued to stack the emails by date. "Are you okay?" Reid didn't care, he just wanted out of this conversation!

"As well as I can be, with everything going on. My sister's birthday party is today, though. I'm hoping that will help distract us all. Everyone's on edge at the house." The older woman answered, deftly finishing all the sorting with a triumphant grin. Any unrest was now absent from her gaze.

Reid raised a brow, stomach cramping and palms beginning to sweat. "Your sister? That's nice." She had a sister? He brought the mug to his lips and took another drink, staring at the light brown liquid. It was sweet and sugary on his lips, but it kind of tasted… metallic?

Elana's eyes flickered over a paper in her hands, her face clouding sadly. "Yes, my little sister… Rae's turning fifty-three…" Her dampened expression rolled off her face as she put the paper in a pile and wiped off her coffee-stained hands. Laughing, she held them up, shrugging. "Such a clutz… Sorry, I'm going to wash my hands. Stay safe, okay?"

She was gone a moment later, leaving Reid dazed at the conversation. His mind wasn't working as it should. It was groggy and dull. Quickly, he finished off the coffee, hoping it would help him wake up.

Rae… R…? Could that be right?

Standing up, Reid stumbled tiredly to the table and picked up his phone. There were a few messages from his team. Narrowing his eyes, he felt tears roll down his cheeks and a yawn force himself to open his mouth. Fuck. He needed sleep.

The messages were nothing too important, and there were only three. Two from Garcia with information about the newest email, and a reply from JJ. He didn't respond.

When the door opened again, he flinched and whipped around to see who had entered. Luckily it was just Hotch, but he didn't seem too pleased. He took one look at Reid and something flickered across his face. Something Reid couldn't pinpoint. Had Morgan told him? For once, his anxieties about being found out didn't break out.

He felt strangely at peace.

"Reid, you look exhausted." Hotch walked over to the papers and glanced over them. "Could you figure anything out?"

Spencer rubbed his face and headed over to where Hotch was. "I don't think the Unsub is Jonathan. I think it's a woman."

The unit chief didn't seem surprised, he just nodded to show he'd heard and picked up one of the papers, turning it over in his hands. An awkward silence hung in the air, but Reid was sure it was only uncomfortable for him. This had been the first time they'd been alone since he had barged into Hotch's room and told him he was fit to go.

Before he'd messed up.

"We should talk, Spencer," Hotch said after a moment, taking a seat and looking over a few of the papers.

Being called Spencer was the first red flag, or… maybe the second. Because him not asking for more information on Reid's hypothesis had to be a warning. "Sure." he murmured quietly. Taking a seat, he tried to study Hotch's face.

"Have you taken Dilaudid? Or any other drugs?"

Reid's face paled and he felt like the wind had been knocked out of him. Gripping the table with his hand to steady himself, he took a shaky breath. "What?" He breathed, his voice barely a whisper.

Hotch sighed, a look of disappointment and frustration taking over his grave expression. Nobody spoke for a second. Two seconds. "I need to take you off the case."

The younger profiler's hands shook, letting go of the table and falling into his lap. "No," he murmured to himself. Spencer's eyes darted to Hotch and he shook his head. "Hotch, please, no," Reid's voice broke at his request, his vision blurring. "You can't. Please!" he blubbered. "I've stopped, Morgan's helping me, okay? I'm stopping. I swear!"

Regretfully, Hotch looked down. Then his wall of apathy swelled back up. He straightened up and the sympathy in his gaze died. Dropped dead with cryptic emotion. "The case is too much for you, and I'm taking you off, for your own good." At the last bit, a bit of emotion trickled back in through his tone, but his face gave away nothing.

"For my own good?" Reid asked, baffled.

Hotch's gaze fixed itself on Spencer, it's harshness stopping the young man in his tracks. He didn't say anything, just set the paper he'd been holding down and sighed. A sad, helpless sigh.

Something snapped in Spencer, something bitter and fierce. "No," He answered with the most force he'd summoned all day. "I'm not going home because I can help. I'm _helpful_! You can't just take me off the case because you think I can't do it! My mom's _life _could be in danger!"

"Reid!" The chief snapped, cutting Reid off right as he was about to open his mouth. "I won't report your addiction to anyone… but other people might."

Other people? Spencer froze, feeling like someone had punched him in the gut. The only person he'd told was Morgan… and he wouldn't… Reid shook his head, hand flashing to his head as he held it in horror.

His vision blurred and an aching feeling rocked his head, sending him to his feet. Stumbling to the door, Reid continued to shake his head. Morgan wouldn't! Would he?

"Reid, sit down…"

Hotch's words bounced off Spencer as he reached for the handle. He didn't manage to reach it, a wave of unconsciousness crippling him. He felt himself falling before his thoughts were engulfed in painful darkness.

* * *

"_It is easier to forgive an enemy than to forgive a friend." -William Blake_

* * *

**A/N: Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Please R&R! Thanks for reading and have a lovely day/night!**


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine: Choices**

"_The world has come upon me, I used to keep it a long way off, but now I have been run over and I am in the hands of the hospital staff." -Stevie Smith_

* * *

Muffled voices drew the young man into consciousness. His eyes remained shut and he spent a moment trying to figure out what had happened. Alarm began to flutter in his stomach when he realized where he had to be.

The low beeping. The wrinkled bed.

He was in a hospital. So those voices had to be doctors... or his team. As he took a steadying breath, he was able to focus his feelings and understand what was being said.

"What the hell happened to him?" Morgan.

"Have the doctors said anything?" Emily.

"Not yet, but they said he should be waking up soon." Hotch? Maybe? The voice resembled the unit chief, but it was hazy and… panicked? "He just… collapsed."

The voices rambled on and Reid found himself zoning in on his own thoughts. First question... why? His eyes felt heavy and while he'd been trying to open them, he really just couldn't, but he didn't feel injured. Kind of sick, but not injured. Then Hotch's words came back to him and he realized it must because he passed out. And… didn't wake up until now?

Someone touched his hand, and instead of pulling away or reacting at all, Reid embraced the feeling. Not knowing what was happening was allowing his imagination to run wild, and not in a good direction. He wished he could remember, but anything after reading the threats was just… gone from his memory. He wasn't used to not being able to remember.

The opening of a door made Reid clutch whoever's hand he was holding a bit tighter. In reality, his fingers barely moved.

"Doctor Davis," That was Hotch's voice.

The doctor answered in a quieter voice, and Reid found himself completely focused on his voice. What was wrong with him? When the male spoke, Spencer felt his stomach flip.

"Are you sure you all want to be here? It might be more personal. Does he have any family?"

They were his family, but Reid wasn't sure he was going to like them hearing whatever this news was. He needed to speak up! Words bubbled in his throat and control of his limbs soon came too. While he was sure he could move now, Reid hesitated when JJ spoke up from his side.

"We are his family," she replied, squeezing his hand. He felt something relax inside him at the knowledge that it was her by his side.

"If you insist," Doctor Davis conceded after a moment. "Dr. Reid suffered from an overdose on Hydromorphone, otherwise known as-"

Morgan interrupted, "Dilaudid?"

The doctor began speaking again, but Reid felt like he'd been punched in the gut. Or shot. Either would be better than this, he thought bitterly. Then his mind whirled into action, quicker and quicker as he began to find his words and thoughts.

"That's impossible," Spencer said harshly, eyes finally opening. The light scorched his gaze for a moment and he was forced to close his eyes again for a moment. The moment the pain ebbed away, he opened them again and dragged himself into a sitting position, ignoring the nauseous feeling in his stomach. "I haven't taken anything!"

Had he?

Five pairs of eyes turned toward him and he just narrowed his eyes at their concerned looks. Reid looked at Morgan desperately, anxiety rising in him. He was going to be fired. Lose his friends. Lose his mom.

"I believe you, kid," Morgan said after a moment of pause. A wave of relief washed over Reid and he pursed his lips, nodding.

Rossi nodded, speaking up for the first time, "Me too. But that means we have to figure out what happened. One way or another, you overdosed." The older agent turned to Hotch, who was remaining silent.

The Unit Chief was looking at Reid, eyes reserved and… worried? Guilt welled in Reid's mind at making Hotch feel concerned. As Doctor Davis slipped out of the room, Reid unburied some of his vulnerability.

"I think everyone deserves an explanation," He spoke with a determined strength to his voice, but it shook slightly as he realized what he had to do. Reid took a deep breath, finding comfort in Morgan's understanding gaze. "I took Dilaudid again one the plane ride here."

JJ sucked in a breath, and he felt a tendril of anxiety tightened around his heart. "Spence, why didn't you tell me?"

God, that hurt the most. Reid had turned to look at her and the guilt in her blue eyes made his heartache with regret. "Because you believed in me…" He hadn't wanted her to stop.

The young woman looked away, her free hand holding tightly onto her necklace. Shame spiraled in Reid's mind and he dropped her hand before wrapping his limbs around his stomach. She didn't say anything else.

"But you stopped, didn't you?" Emily began, gears practically moving in her mind as she figured what had happened out. "Or, tried... You told Morgan at the bar, and that's why he's been keeping his bag from you. He has all your Dilaudid."

"Yeah, he gave me everything he had yesterday." Morgan agreed.

Hotch glanced between all the profilers in the room, Reid following his gaze with a sick feeling. Was this where Hotch told him he was fired? Surrounded by friends? "I need to speak with Reid alone."

"Hotch…" Emily started, her voice worried and alert. He sent her a look and she sighed, nodding. She sent Reid a fleeting look of support and left. The others followed shortly after. JJ didn't even look at Spencer.

Now faced with the inevitable fate of losing his job, Reid looked down at his hands. Hotch took a seat where JJ had sat and took a calming breath. Spencer had seen Hotch like this before. Usually, before he said something that was about to change the course of everything.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Reid's thoughts faltered, and he looked up at the chief with uncertainty. "What?" Of course, the thought had crossed the young doctor's mind, but how could he tell his boss about something like that? Besides, he knew Hotch would just take him off the case and he _needed _to be working it. His mother's life may depend on it.

"You knew I'd take you off." Hotch seemed strangely numb to everything that was happening now. He also looked sort of… disappointed. Reid was disappointed too. In himself. He was a failure. So he shook his head, yes.

"I was sure you would, and you can't. Please..."

"I believe that you didn't try to overdose, in fact… I think you were drugged."

* * *

"_There is no greater power and support you can give someone than to look them in the eye, and with sincerity/conviction say, 'I believe in you." -Ken Poirot_

* * *

**A/N: What do you all want to see happening? Reviewing helps my soul- I mean... it helps me feel more motivated to write!**


	10. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten: Fog is a Funny Thing**

"_Your memory is a monster; you forget—it doesn't. It simply files things away." -John Irving_

Hotch had fixed Reid with an intuitive look, waiting for an answer, a reaction. Reid wasn't sure he could give either. He just looked down at his hands and stared at them with a numb feeling.

"Drugged?" the young doctor finally repeated. His words felt muffled and he blamed it on having passed out.

Nodding, the agent in the chair looked at the door. His eyes searched the frame and when he was sure of something, he seemed to relax. Not by much, but enough for Spencer's brain to register. "I'd like to believe you when you say that you gave Morgan everything you had, but I do believe that you could never leave your mother."

Letting the first part slide, Reid pursed his lips and felt gratitude well inside him. He was sure he hadn't done it, but Hotch's words were like a recording of the scene, reminding him that there really was no way he could. His mother needed him and wouldn't leave her, especially while the Unsub was threatening her.

The Unsub.

"Oh my god... the Unsub tried to kill me,"

Hotch studied Reid's face, his own morphing into something like sympathy and anger mixed together. "Exactly," he agreed tersely. "So I need you to remember, who was in the room with you before me?"

Reid paused. "Nobody…" He answered, but even he didn't seem to really think that. "No… um…" As much as Spencer tried, he couldn't remember. Anything before… before… before JJ's text message was gone. That was where things began making sense again. It was like a fog had been released into his mind, blocking his thought process past that point.

Sensing his agent's growing panic, Hotch spoke up, "When do things start getting vague?"

Spencer closed his eyes and tried to focus his rambling ruminations. "I…" anger began to seal Reid's mind. "I don't know!" he slammed his fist down on the bed and his eyes flashed open. Instantly regret flooded his gaze and he buried his head in his hands.

He'd experienced amnesia before, but not like this. Not something that only happened what had to be hours ago. He was better than this!

Hotch had lurched forward when Reid hit the bed but now allowed himself to sit back slightly. His eyes remained soft with concern. "Just tell me whatever comes to your mind…" he reassured calmly.

"I'd figured out that the Unsub wasn't Jonathan." Reid could think of that now. Besides, after freaking out in front of Hotch, he was desperate to ease the unit chief's mind with facts. "You were surprised…" as he said the words, they didn't feel right.

Hotch hadn't been surprised. But then who was?

"So there was someone else," Hotch nodded to himself, pulling out his phone. "I'll see if there were any cameras in the room." As he rose to his feet, the unit chief glanced over at Reid. His gaze flashed with a sort of fatherly look and he put a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "We'll figure out who did this." Then he made his way out of the room.

Reid pulled himself into a sitting position, wincing at the motion. Eyes darting around the room, he spotted a small stack of books on a table tied together with… a bow? He didn't make a move to get them, but instead pulled his hands closer to his body and tried holding back a burst of grief.

Nothing he tried worked and the young agent felt the much too familiar feeling hot tears slip down his face. A sob wracked his body like someone playing a broken harp, once strum and he broke down. He pulled his legs to his chest and rested his head on his knees as he cried.

He had messed up.

Picturing JJ's betrayed face, Reid felt himself hiccup for air. An escape from his ocean of sorrow. He was sorry. She didn't deserve to be kept in the dark, and while he'd only tried to protect her, he had ended up hurting her.

Why did he hold on to those dark feelings? Why couldn't he have been stronger and let them go?

If he could go back in time, Reid would like to think he would be able to make different choices, but he knew that was about as probable as reversing time in the first place. Reid knew that if he could do it again, he still wouldn't be able to tell JJ for the same reason he kept it a secret in the first place. He was weak and wanted to believe someone still thought he was strong.

Somebody knocked twice.

Reid let his legs fall down and quickly brushed away the tears that still littered his face. "Yes?" He asked, voice struggling to keep away any shaking.

Garcia walked in, carrying a cup of Jell-O in her hand.

"_I don't think it's Jonathan," _

"_You don't?"_

_This time when Reid whipped his head upward in shock the person standing in the doorway was… not? Nobody was there. Or- they were… but fog had turned into a wall between Spencer and the speaker._

The memory with all the confusion that accompanied it faded as Garcia paused at the doorway. She slowly shut the door and looked his face over. Something seemed to sadden deeply in her eyes and he continued on more slowly.

"I brought Jell-o… um… in case you were hungry," Penelope flashed Reid a smile and put the Jell-O on a table beside his head. "You don't have to eat it now but I thought… you'd want it…" She was holding back something.

Reid tried to shake the memory from his mind and be present with Garcia, but the majority of him was trying to find a name for the voice he had heard. Nothing came to mind. "Thank you, Garcia," he finally croaked.

The woman took a seat and folded her arms on her lap, squinting at him. Reid raised an eyebrow and shifted in discomfort. His mouth opened but eventually closed again, unable to form words to describe how he was feeling.

"The doctors said you overdosed," Garcia finally blurted out the words that had to have been on her mind since she arrived in the hospital. "I'm not saying I'm mad but I'm saying why didn't you trust me? O-or at least Hotch? _We_ could've helped and you could've _died, _so _why_?"

Silence hung in the air. He wanted to deny it, but once again couldn't find the words. He'd still taken drugs himself. "You're right," Reid looked down, fighting back the onslaught of tears trying to get him to break down. "I'm sorry…"

He should've told someone.

Letting out a large sigh of sorrow, relief, and much more emotions, Garcia put her face in her hands. "If you had died… Reid, I don't know what I'd do…" she broke down in tears. Panic rippled inside Reid and he tried to move over to her but couldn't summon the strength.

"Garcia…"

"Was it me? Could I have done anything? Like- even if I tried?"

"Garcia."

"Do you know how-" sob "-worried I was?"

"Garcia!"

Penelope's cries stopped abruptly and he looked up at Spencer with glistening eyes. She seemed surprised by the intensity in his words. Garcia's lip quivered and the woman took a deep, but yielding, breath. She mouthed the word 'what?'

Now that she was looking right at him, Spencer felt his words begin to fumble again. But the look in her eyes convinced him that she needed to know she couldn't have done anything. That he couldn't even have. "I didn't do it."

"What? What do you mean you didn't do-" her eyes widened in concern. "Oh. _Oh!_"

Reid winced and bit down on the inside of his lip anxiously. "I did take…" He lowered his voice, but not really by choice. "I took Dilaudid on the plane here. It was one time and I haven't done it since but I- I never would've overdosed on purpose."

On purpose. He hadn't meant to say that.

Garcia's eyes gleamed with unshed tears but she said nothing. "Someone tried to kill you?" she asked, voice shaking. At least she wasn't bringing up his misstep in words. "Who? Do you remember?"

He shook his head.

"Where did it happen?" Penelope had pulled out a laptop from her bag and began typing quickly. "If you remember."

"The sheriff's department," Reid answered, settling back down as he searched his mind for more clues about who had given him the drugs. And how? "I was reading the threats…" he closed his eyes to try to focus. "And someone walked in."

A wave of tapping and clicking came from Garcia's side of the room. She said nothing, until- "What?"

Spencer's eyes opened and he looked over at the woman. Her eyes were narrowed with confusion as she tapped a few buttons. She only grew more agitated and bewildered. "What is it?" he asked timidly.

"I'm in the camera system but… but it's missing! The cameras have been wiped." Garcia looked up at Reid, eyebrows knitting together as she pursed her lips. Anger splintered across her face and she huffed, shutting her computer.

"Can you get it back?"

Garcia didn't reply at first, instead, she shoved her computer back in her bag and throwing Spencer a worried look. "I-I mean I can try! No, _no _I _will_. I promise to you, I will find this son of a bitch and I'll tell Hotch and we'll put them behind bars for good where they can't hurt you o-or your mom or anyone else ever again!"

She seemed ready to throw herself out of the room and Reid felt a burst of nerves pierce him. "Wait-" the woman stopped, throwing him a wild look. "I think JJ's mad at me." Garcia faltered, looking Spencer in the eyes.

"Mad at you? What for?"

"For lying…" Spencer's fists clenched part of the hospital blanket in his fist. "When you see her… please tell her I'm sorry."

_Sorry doesn't take things back, but it pushes things forward. It bridges the gap." -Craig Silvey_

* * *

**A/N: Please review! Thank you all so much for reading! Stay safe out there.**


	11. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven: Lines between Weakness and Strength**

"_I know all those words, but that sentence makes no sense to me." -Matt Groening_

He was sleeping when the visitors arrived, whispering to themselves nervously. The door closed and footsteps echoed through the room. Reid's mind whirred awake, but his eyes remained shut. The young doctor didn't know who they were at first, and he'd learned that if he slept through check-ups with the doctors and nurses he would avoid their pitying looks.

They wouldn't understand that he hadn't overdosed. They only looked at him with sad faces and murmured to each other about how _'sad it is for someone so young to want to overdose.' _And then there were the doctors that looked at him with sneers. Rolling their eyes behind his back and talking about all his apparent weaknesses.

Reid hated the doctors. Every one of them. And it had only been two hours since he had woken up.

Eventually, though, he determined that the people who arrived couldn't work at the hospital because they only took a seat and talked amongst themselves.

He shifted and feigned a look of just waking up. Elana looked up the moment Spencer moved, Eliza caught her mother's look and turned her attention to the 'waking' man. The daughter offered a pitiful smile before letting the two teenagers know of him getting up. Elana just stared at him.

The older woman spoke with careful words, as if hesitant. Reid didn't blame her. She probably didn't even want to be with him.

"Hey, Spencer," she said carefully. Something stirred inside Reid when she spoke. A spark of recognition that he just couldn't place. "We came to visit when we heard you woke up. Your father had to work…" Elana flashed him an apologetic look.

Spencer hadn't expected the blossom of grief and temper that speared through his heart, so he winced before looking away with a face that flushed red. Of course, his father had to work. Reid hated the man, and yet… god, how he wished William would come and check up on him.

"These are my daughters; Ashlee and Kaylee. My sister, Rae should be here any moment. She said she'd pop by whenever her job allowed."

_Rae… R…?_

The memory came with so little detail that Reid couldn't even be sure it wasn't just a thought, but that didn't really matter, did it? He wasn't even sure if he was thinking right, and still couldn't remember who had been in the room before Hotch. The voice still felt so foreign to him.

Kaylee waved awkwardly and Ashlee murmured a greeting under her breath. Reid felt his skin itch with discomfort. Why had they come?

"Hi," Spencer replied, forcing himself to look at the strangers in his room.

He'd felt this before… this awkwardness where he wanted his team to save him. A flame of hope burned in his mind. Was his memory coming back? What if that had happened before Hotch? What if whoever had made him feel that way was the Unsub? Or helping?

The door swung open and in came a bustling woman with a scrawny build and long blond hair that fluttered as she skipped into the room. Kaylee jumped out of her chair and rushed into the woman's arms while Ashlee's smile faded into something more genuine. Elana looked at Reid, and he felt his arms crawl with the wish that she would look away.

The woman was older than Reid but had this young, lively aura to her. Her wide eyes turned to Spencer and she frowned deeply. "You poor thing! I heard what had happened and came as soon as I could!"

Reid didn't even have time to blink before the woman rushed up to him, picking at his hospital gown neckline and tsking. "I bet you, darlin', are itching to be out of this catastrophe!" Spencer didn't know how he felt about that nickname, but he knew he hated how close she was.

"Rae-Rae, give the kid some space…" Elana warned softly.

Instantly, Rae pulled away from Reid, eyes widening with apology. "Oh, dear! Sorry! I didn't mean to intrude." she searched her bag and pulled out a gum stick. Placing it on the blanket in front of Reid, she grinned widely. "I'm Raelyn, and oh my gosh, it's a pleasure to meet you little genius!"

Spencer glanced at the stick of gum, before moving it to the table beside him and looking at Raelyn. Her body held no anger toward him, and her fluid movements showed him that she wasn't nervous at all around him. "Hi."

"It's funny, I didn't even now William even had a son until Mrs. Reid over here said you were in the hospital because you overdosed! My _goodness_, you must hate it here! I know I would!" Raelyn took a seat in a chair beside a now seated Kaylee but stood up before getting comfortable. "Nope, I can not even try to sit still right now! It's my birthday today! I'm finally turning-"

"Fifty-three?" The words escaped Reid before he could even think.

Raelyn paused, looking at the doctor with a bewildered gaze. "How'd you know, pumpkin? Do I really look that old?" she looked over at Kaylee, who shook her head wildly.

How had he known? "Oh- no! I-I'm sorry, I just guessed…" Reid floundered for the right words, panic burning into his eyes as he saw the woman's face flow through a very bizarre amount of emotions. Finally, the emotions settled on a smile, and Raelyn laughed, very loudly.

"Don't sweat it, Lil' genius! I'm not mad! How could I be when-"

The zestful woman was interrupted by a knock and the slow opening of the door. JJ hesitated when she saw that someone was in the room, but shock replaced her gaze when she realized who everyone was.

"Elana, Eliza, what are you all doing here?" JJ asked, leaving the door open as she crossed her arms over her chest. She spoke in a friendly manner, but there was an edge to her voice and Reid wasn't sure if it was because he was watching or she didn't like the people in the room.

Maybe both.

Elana didn't skip a beat answering, putting a hand on her sister's shoulder to quiet her. "We were just leaving. I just wanted to drop some books by for Spencer. Come on, girls." She said quickly, waving for everyone she brought to follow her out.

Everyone was out in less than two minutes, well, except Spencer and JJ. The profiler shut the door slowly, staring at it for a long moment before finally turned to look at Reid. The doctor offered a weak smile, and it seemed like JJ tried to return it but couldn't. Instead, she pursed her lips and fidgeted with her necklace.

Neither of them spoke for a long time. A very long time.

"JJ…" Reid tried to begin, watching her expression to see if, no, when it would change into something less affable. "Did Garcia talk to you?"

JJ didn't respond, but her eyes clenched shut, giving Reid all the answers he needed. Garcia had told her and she was still mad. Reid was mad at himself too, and couldn't even find it in himself to blame her. He _had _lied to her. Sometimes right to her face, like whenever he said he was fine or dismissed his darker emotions.

"Listen- I…" why couldn't he get the words out? "I'm really… really sorry."

"Sorry?" The young woman repeated, and Spencer felt his heart leap into his throat, choking him in a panic. "Sorry? Sorry for what? Sorry for hurting yourself? Or sorry for lying to me? Tell me, Spence, what are you sorry for? Are you saying that because I'm upset, do you mean it? Or are you just lying to me again?"

Reid's chest ached with grief and he opened his mouth to answer but nothing came out. He faltered with his thoughts for a moment before something finally came out. "For everything."

JJ just kept looking at him with the same tortured look as she battled her own demons.

"I'm sorry for being weak, and I'm sorry for lying, and I'm sorry for not trusting you," Reid was crying now. "I'm sorry I couldn't help myself, and I'm sorry for everything!"

The profiler rushed over to Spencer, wrapping him in a hug. He could feel her hot tears on his shoulder as she sobbed to him. For a while they sat there, crying, before JJ finally pulled away and wiped away her teary gaze with the back of her hand. "You're not weak, Spence…"

He would have laughed if he had the strength. Because of course, he was. Of course, he was weak. Reid wrapped his spindly arms around himself, holding himself back from breaking down again.

"Aren't I?"

"No, you aren't!"

"JJ, I thought we weren't going to lie to each other anymore…"

"Dammit, Reid, listen to me!" JJ snapped, looking at him with passionate eyes. They burned with a fire he hadn't seen in someone's eyes for years. "You are one of the strongest people I know. Yeah, I'm pissed you thought you couldn't tell me, and I thought I'd die when I learned you were in the hospital, but even I know that nobody could handle what you've gone through."

Spencer felt like he'd been punched in the gut and couldn't speak for his words had slipped away. He knew that there were people who could, but his mind wouldn't let him say the words. So he just listened.

"Spence, you've taken care of your mother since you were a kid, you've looked death and abandonment in the eyes more than some people have in four lifetimes." Jennifer took a focusing breath before finishing in a calmer tone. "I know you. And I know that you can survive whatever life throws at you before you're not weak."

_You're not weak. _Her words bounced around in Spencer's mind before they finally made sense. He knew the words, but together, they didn't make sense. And yet- the look in JJ's eyes did. He wasn't weak.

"I need to go back to the station," Reid said suddenly, jolting up with wide eyes.

He remembered something.

"_Right now I'm having amnesia and déjà vu at the same time. I think I've fo__rgotten this before." -Steven Wright_

* * *

**A/N: I'm not too happy about this one, but whatever. Please review!**


	12. Chapter 12

**Chapter Twelve: Young Dreamer**

"_I do not miss childhood, but I miss the way I took pleasure in small things, even as greater things crumbled. I could not control the world I was in, could not walk away from things or people or moments that hurt, but I took joy in the things that made me happy." -Neil Gaiman_

* * *

"_Mom," the child murmured. He didn't move from his comfortable spot though, nestled in between an ocean of blankets. When there was no reply, the boy finally sat up. "Mom?" he repeated, concern edged his voice. _

_At nine, children should be wrapped in the comforting arms of their parents. But not this boy. Instead, he was the one caring for his mom. _

_Nobody answered his quiet calls, and he glanced around the room. Night poured in through the windows, casting shadows of darkness in the room. "Mom!" he shouted into what seemed like endless waves of nothingness. _

_Slinking out of his bed, the boy's feet touched the ground and he took a shaky breath. He wanted to race back under the covers and hide, but he needed to find his mom. The child, Spencer, wrapped his arms around his stomach and headed toward the door. The floor creaked as he walked, bringing sound to the eerie silence of the room._

_Something outside roared by, and Spencer clasped his hand over his mouth to keep himself from yelping. Tears welled in the boy's eyes but he kept walking. He paused by the door frame of the room, leaning against it heavily as his breath quickened. _

It's just a car. _He thought, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. "Mom?"_

_No reply. _

"_Mom!"_

_When nobody answered again, Spencer pushed away from the door and walked into the kitchen. The curtains were pulled back in the main room, allowing the Las Vegas lights to shine through and light up the area in fluorescent lights. _

_Racing into the area with the lights, Spencer felt the darkness' evil tendrils hiss and shrink away. Backing into the living room, the boy searched for his mother where he had just come from._

_Somebody touched his shoulder and he let out a wail of surprise, dropping to the floor and covering his ears. "No! Stop it! Go away!" he howled at the monster._

"_Spencer? What in the heavens are you doing awake?" _

_Spencer stopped sobbing, holding his breath to control his breathing. Whipping around he threw himself at his mother, who wrapped him in a hug, albeit a confused one. "I thought you were a monster," he cried. _

_Picking him up, Diana rubbed the little boy's back. She was holding something in her hand, and envelope, and it pressed against his side as he was carried back to the bedroom. "You have a curious mind…" she whispered to him. "But you need to know that I'll keep you safe."_

_Her words were meant as a comfort, but as the blurry-eyed child stared at the fading lights over his mom's shoulder, he made a wish. A wish that she was right. A wish that she would keep him safe. _

The comfort of his mother faded briefly at the sound of a voice. He recognized it as JJ, his eyes blearily opening as he looked at her. Reid was leaning heavily against the door of his car, and JJ was driving, focused on the road with a frown on her face. Reid closed his eyes again.

"_Get away from me!"_

_It was a scream that made the boy's eyes flash open. Dawn trickled into the room and he jumped to his feet. There was a crashing sound in the kitchen and Spencer dropped to the floor, crawling under the bed. From the safety of the dark area, he peered under the bed, head laying sideways on the ground. _

"_Stop it! Stop! Get away from me! I don't want to go!" his mother continued to howl. _

_Tears streamed down the ten-year-olds face and he hiccuped as he wailed silently. He didn't know who was in the kitchen with his mom, but he was scared. Earlier that month, Spencer had gotten glasses as his vision began to fail him. Since he hadn't grabbed them before he dove under the bed, he could only see two blurry people in the kitchen. _

_About an hour passed before his mother stopped screaming. The boy cowered in a ball under the bed as the door was pushed completely open. "Spencer?" That was his dad. _

_Hearing a voice he recognized, Spencer crawled out from under the bed. His face was bright red with white splotches from the tears. His dad gave him an awkward hug, patting his back to try and comfort the child. "What happened to mom?" the boy cried into his dad's shoulder._

_There was a falter in his dad's voice before William pulled Spencer away from him. Placing a hand on each of Spencer's shoulders, the boy's dad frowned. "Your mother had an episode. She's resting now, Spencer. You don't need to worry."_

_An episode. That was it? _

"_Who was she yelling at? And- and I saw two people!"_

_William ruffled the boy's shaggy hair. "She wasn't yelling at anyone. I got home and tried to calm her down but she was sure there was somebody in the house." His father sighed sadly, shaking his head now. "How long have you been awake?"_

_The boy pulled away from his dad, wiping furiously at his tears that just wouldn't stop. His mother had promised to protect him but how could she when she was seeing things that weren't there? "I don't know," he replied numbly._

"Hey, Reid, are you awake?"

Spencer sighed as he was plucked from his dream, from his memory. "Mm," he answered without opening his eyes. "Have we made it?"

JJ's voice replied softly, "No… we're stuck in traffic, I was just…" the rest of what she said was muffled as exhaustion dragged Reid back into a slumber.

_His mother was reading to him now. Her words soft and clear, the words rolling out of her mouth as she told the story. Spencer looked up at her face, examining the concentration of it. It was one of the rare moments that she was acting like the mothers that everyone else had. _

_Reading to him, comforting him. _

"_Mom?" Spencer whispered quietly. _

_Pausing her reading, Diana looked over at Spencer. "What is it, dearie?" she asked soothingly. With her free hand, she messed with his hair. Just like his dad used to do. _

_The boy hesitated, not wanting to upset his mom. "Will dad be back?" it had been three weeks and four days since he'd closed the door. He remembered rushing to the window and watching William get into his car, look back at the house, and then drive off. At first, Spencer thought his 'goodbye' was temporary, but his dad hadn't returned yet. _

_Diana shifted, closing the book and putting it on the bed beside her. Then she wrapped an arm around Spencer, giving him a side hug before she answered. "No, I don't think he will."_

"_But don't dads come back? Aren't they supposed to?"_

"_They're supposed to," Diana answered softly, kissing his forehead and watching the window in the bedroom. "But people don't always do what they should."_

_Spencer was silent for a moment, his logical side agreeing with his mom, his childish confusion needing more of an answer. "Like when students skip school?"_

_His mom sighed at that, and the boy looked over at her. She was smiling softly. "Precisely," Diana answered. Spencer studied that sad smile before resting his head on her chest and staring at the wall. He missed his dad. A lot. But he was grateful that his mother wasn't one to skip school. She'd stay with him. She had to. He'd have nobody else. _

"_Mom?"_

"_Yes, Spencer?"_

"_Why did dad leave? I've tried to figure out a reason, but I can't… dads don't just leave, right?" the boy didn't look up at her again. He just stared at the chipped painting on the wall. Had he left because they were poor? _

_Diana was silent, and he heard her inhale sadly. "He was weak. But don't worry about that. You aren't weak, you know that."_

_Spencer nodded, still not lifting his head from her warm body. "Am I going to be homeless?" _

_His mother paused, surprised, before laughing quietly. "Is that was the statistics say?" When Spencer nodded, she let out a long sigh and shook her head. "No, Spencer, you're too smart to be homeless. In fact, I'm sure that you'll be successful, one hundred percent." Spencer let out a disbelieving noise and so she continued. "What percentage of fatherless children drop out of high school?"_

"_Seventy-one,"_

"_How many suffer from aggression issues?"_

_This one was easy too, and Spencer answered, still not sure where she was going. "Seventy-five."_

_Diana hummed something that sounded like 'exactly' before she rubbed Spencer's shoulder. "Statistics don't always relate to you. Do you plan on dropping out of high school? Or do you suffer from aggression?" the boy shook his head for both. "Just as I thought."_

_The boy smiled to himself, closing his eyes as he let himself fall asleep on his mother. Comforted by the fact that she was right. He could still do stuff without a dad. He was going to be successful. _

The car jolted to a stop, and Reid's eyes flashed open. Rubbing his head which had hit the door at the park, the young doctor looked over at JJ. He took a steadying breath, acknowledging her apologies for stopping so roughly with a small nod.

He was successful. And not weak.

He could do this.

Just tell the team.

* * *

"_The only thing faster than the speed of thought is the speed of forgetfulness. Good thing we have other people to help us remember." -Vera Nazarian_


	13. Chapter 13

**Chapter Thirteen: Your Mind isn't Always Reliable**

"_Sometimes it takes a good fall to really know where you stand" -Hayley Williams_

* * *

Getting out of the car, Reid felt his head spin with thoughts. It was as if a jar of feelings had suddenly been unscrewed and dumped all over him. His eyes narrowed as he shut the car door. He heard it lock as JJ got out and caught up to him. The young doctor's gaze scanned the building in front of them.

"Spence?"

"I'll be fine," Spencer replied, taking a deep breath before he started walking.

He hadn't told her what he'd remembered yet. Reid only felt like he had the strength to say it once. Glancing over at JJ, his gaze softened when he saw her concern. The doctor offered a thin smile and she returned it, though hers was much less convincing.

The cold metal of the doorknobs made Spencer pause for a heartbeat before he pulled it open. When he saw her, he knew he was doing the right thing.

Elana stood there, coffee in hand, eyes wide as she stared at Reid. She had been talking to a coworker, and now she was frozen in place. Alarm was etched across her face and she glanced over her shoulder at JJ before quickly heading over to the two of them.

Reid smiled at her, turned away, and headed to the conference room.

"Spencer, wait!" she called. He ignored her, almost reaching the area where the rest of his team gathered. When she clutched his arm, his lip curled in distaste and he turned to look at her. "Wh-what are you doing here? Why are you out of the hospital?"

JJ approached, ready to demand that she step away from Spencer, but he reacted first. "It's _Dr_. Reid, and I'm doing my job." Shrugging her off of him, he entered the room with the rest of the BAU agents.

They stopped at the sudden entrance, and the surprise that engulfed their faces was the first thing that had made him really pause and wonder if he was doing the right thing. But the doubt was gone in a flash and he glanced over to make sure JJ was in the room.

She was.

"Reid, what are you doing?" Hotch asked, his arms crossed over his chest as he raised an eyebrow. The unit chief looked to JJ questionably, she shrugged.

"I remember… I remember who was in the room with me. I know who gave me the coffee, who drugged me."

Morgan stood up quickly from his chair at the announcement. "Drugged you?" he asked sharply. Then he took a step back and breathed deeply to calm himself down. "Go on, kid, tell us."

A sudden outburst of dread fluttered in Reid's stomach, and he regretted his need to be so open about it all. He could've handled this himself. He thought it over again. No, he couldn't. "Elana. I was working on paperwork, she came in. I told her that I didn't think it was Jonathan and she was surprised. Then she gave me the coffee, told me about her sister, and left." The words rolled out of his mouth before Spencer could forget them.

"Elana?" A bout of compassion flashed through Rossi's face. Followed by… uncertainty? "Kid, are you sure that this isn't just your mind… playing tricks on you?"

Reid tensed, looking around in shock. Prentiss was studying his face, unsure. Morgan rubbed the back of his neck. Hotch stared at him, eyes narrowing. What? No! JJ glanced at Elana outside and then back to Reid, biting her lip nervously. They didn't believe him? How dare they?

Spencer bit down on his tongue, hard, before trying to speak. "I-" it felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. They didn't believe him. They didn't _fucking _believe him! "I know what I saw!"

"Reid-"

Garcia jumped up from her chair, interrupting Hotch. She had remained silent throughout this, and just now spoke up. "Guys, guys stop!" she held out her hands in a panic. Turning to Reid, she ran up to him, giving him a hug. He stiffened, still baffled that nobody believed him. "I believe him!" she then stated when she pulled away. "I believe him, and you all should too!"

Standing there, feeling like an idiot, the doctor looked over at Garcia. Was she just pitying him? But her eyes were giving away nothing. It seemed as if she actually thought he was right.

Emily headed up to him, eyes wide with concern as she touched his shoulder. "Reid," she whispered. "We do believe you… but…"

Pulling away, Reid stared at them in shock. "No, you don't. You don't believe me! You think… you think this is only me wanting it to be Elana so we can arrest her. You think-" he shook his head. "How dare you? Listen, just listen! It all makes sense! Elana is the unsub. She wants William all to herself… R… R! She only started signing the letters after she was married! After she became a Reid!"

Hotch called his name, but everyone's pathetic 'Reids' were only making him more upset. "Don't call me that! Don't call me Reid," his head felt like it was imploding on him. How could he share a name with his dad anymore? Running a hand through his short hair, he shook his head. "Just stop. Just _stop_!"

A cold chill of silence gripped the room.

The quiet was even more overbearing. Because their thoughts still echoed through the room. They believed him, but not his mind. That wasn't possible. He was his mind. They either believed him or didn't. It was clear they didn't. "I have to go."

Rushing out of the room, he heard them suddenly hurry after him. Morgan had raced to the door, but Spencer had locked it from the inside before he left. Derek gave the door a pound before realizing and unlocking it. By this time Spencer was already outside.

His first thought was the car. To get in the car and just drive. Swearing under his breath because he hadn't gotten keys, he looked around hastily before running.

So Spencer ran. Straight down the sidewalk in a hospital gown, tears streaming down his face. He pushed past the busy Las Vegas crowd, disappearing just as he heard a shout from his team. Calling after him. Spencer didn't stop. Not even when people let out appalled gasps at the sight of him and not even when his phone rang. He just ran.

He knew that he must look crazy. And maybe he was.

When he'd cleared a few blocks, the young man caught his breath by leaning heavily on a wall. His phone hadn't stopped chiming since he escaped the station, and now he finally pulled it out. Spencer's hands shook as he stared at the incoming call from Emily. He let it ring out.

When the call ended, a new one sounded.

Ringing.

Ringing.

_Ringing_.

Just like the sobriety coin that had probably been thrown away now. Spencer assumed that had to be what happened to it. Someone had taken out the trash in the jet and with it his coin. That was fine. He didn't deserve it. But he _did_ deserve trust! Especially from his own team!

Anger bubbled inside Spencer again and he let the buzzing phone slip through his fingers. It hit the ground with a smack, but it kept ringing. Spencer's hand went to his head, the ringing noise having somehow made its way into his mind as it echoed around. To stop it, Spencer crushed the phone with his shoe. It made a sickening shatter.

And the ringing stopped.

Leaving his mind quiet. His thoughts fell short, shriveling up and leaving him disoriented. The young man had never felt so… lost. He'd been at a lack for words before, he'd been unable to find out an unsub before. But his team had never turned their back on him like this.

For a genius, he felt awfully stupid.

* * *

Spencer didn't know how much time had passed since his meltdown. Enough time to get back to his hotel, get a change in clothes, grab his stuff, and leave. He had his wallet from the hospital, which he'd brought along before he left with JJ.

And now he was in a bar.

Truthfully, he didn't know how, or why, he'd gotten there, but here was, sipping on a second cup of alcohol that he didn't even know the name of. Spencer wasn't drunk, but he almost wished he was. He wished he could just escape what was on his mind.

Thinking was too tiring for him. Hurt too much. Why couldn't he just… not?

"Hey handsome, what are you drinking there?" a young woman asked, slipping into the seat beside him. The doctor didn't reply at first, mostly because he didn't know.

"Would you believe me if I said water?" Spencer tried to joke at last, though, in his opinion, the words fell flat. The woman laughed still. As if what he had said was actually funny. She began to speak again, but Spencer wasn't focusing. He finished his cup with one last swig before setting it down. "I have to go."

The woman's eyes widened before narrowing with annoyance. She huffed something, but Spencer just paid for the drinks and stepped outside the bar. The wind buffeted his face and Reid covered his face with his hand.

He was fired. He was sure of it. Oh, right. That was why he had headed to the bar. To celebrate having nothing to do with his life anymore. A bitter decision that he couldn't even muster to heart to regret.

Now, standing outside in the frigid Las Vegas air, it was like Reid was back to square one. Just a sad child with an insane amount of education and nothing to do with it. Rubbing his eyes, Spencer found himself reaching for his phone only to remember he had broken it. He sighed, once again unable to care. What would he have done? Called his team? Ah, sorry. Former team?

Beginning to just walk, Reid stuffed his hands in his pocket and let his feet carry him wherever they wanted. He was too tired to make a decision about where to go.

"Mommy! I wanna see all the lights!"

Spencer turned to look at who had made the clamor. His eyes landed on a young child, no older than six, laughing and pointing at the strip's colors. He paused. His mom. _That's _who he needed to see! Someone had made an attempt on his life, his mom could be in danger!

Now finally having a directive, Spencer ran, again. This time _to _someone, and not away.

* * *

"_It's hard to trust when all you have from the past is evidence of why you shouldn't."_


	14. Chapter 14

**Chapter Fourteen: If Only and What If**

"_If only. Those must be the two saddest words in the world." ― Mercedes Lackey_

* * *

"Dammit! Where is he?" Morgan swore as his phone rang out again. "Garcia, baby girl, anything?"

It had been ten minutes since the kid rushed off, and there was still no sign of him. Emily and JJ were going to the hotel, while Rossi was at the place where his mom was staying, but there was still no sign of him. Maybe, maybe if it had been another agent who bustled away they wouldn't be as paranoid, but a recovering addict with a target on his back? Reid might as well be dead.

Morgan felt nauseous at the thought.

"What am I supposed to do, Morgan? He smashed his phone and he's not using his credit card. Or… or anything! I'm searching the street cameras but it's so crowded I can't find anything!" Garcia broke into a sob and hid her face in her hands.

Hotch stepped into the conference room and the two already in the room looked up in quiet hope. Their faces fell at his expression. Flat and emotionless. "JJ's still stuck in traffic and there's no sign of him checking in with his mom."

The profiler's stomach twisted at where Reid must be. What if the urge had been too strong? What if the unsub got to him? All the 'what ifs' swarmed his mind and Morgan struck out, slamming his fist against the door frame.

"Morgan," Hotch warned.

"We need to return to the case is what we need to do. We need to find the unsub and _stop _her!" Morgan spotted a gun resting on the table and realized Reid hadn't even grabbed his gun! He was completely defenseless! What was he _thinking_? "What if Reid was- is right? Elana fits the profile." Morgan hadn't believed Spencer at first and felt responsible for the trust that was broken when he didn't immediately agree. They were a team. They shouldn't have doubted him!

Hotch examined the whiteboard, reading a few of the letters again. His eyebrows were pinned together in deep thought. "I think…" The unit chief plucked a letter off, sliding the magnet away. "I think he was."

Garcia didn't say anything, just frowned deeply, shaking her head pointedly.

Heading to the table, Hotch took a seat and laid the letter out. "Look," he pointed to a light smudge of color on the ends of the paper that looked like someone had tried to scrub it off. "Someone left a print of coffee and tried to clean it."

Before Morgan could speak, Garcia was back to tapping away with what seemed like superhuman speed. "Wait!" she pressed a button twice, slower than before. "I got him! Well, not him now, but I see Reid!" The two rushed over.

A scrawny young man passed through one of the security camera clips. You could see him look up, right at the camera, and then disappear inside the hotel they were staying at. It was labeled to have happened three minutes ago. Three!

"That's where we're staying!" Morgan murmured, pulling out his phone to call Emily. Garcia had beaten him to it. Prentiss picked up right away.

"What? Did you find him?"

"He's at the hotel! Inside the hotel! Where are you?" the technical analyst answered in a rush. "Are you there? Oh, my sweet sweet green dragon please say you are!"

A horn blared from the other side of the phone, followed by an outraged bout of swearing on JJ's side. Emily replied, her voice penitent and stressed. "We're still in this awful traffic, still ten, fifteen minutes away."

Morgan felt a heavy feeling press down on his heart. The car ride without traffic was only a few minutes. If there wasn't traffic they could have caught him! Morgan found himself hopelessly wishing that Reid would stay in the hotel. Maybe he just needed to calm down somewhere by himself. Morgan rubbed his neck in alarm.

Someone knocked on the door. Garcia quickly shushed Emily and Hotch went over to open it. Elana Reid walked in. She hesitated at the door just a bit, reading their expressions before stepping inside the room completely. "What… what happened with agen- sorry- Dr. Reid? We saw him rush outside and he hasn't come back in yet."

"Dr. Reid is following a lead," Hotch replied, and Morgan looked up in slight surprise. Elana didn't catch it, she just smiled widely.

"That's wonderful! Are you close to solving the case? Are my family and I going to be able to live in peace again?"

The unit chief looked at her. She had faked that smile. At last, her eyes betrayed her thought process. They were panicked, and yet _relieved_. Relieved they thought it wasn't her. Hotch headed over to her, "Sheriff, we need to come with us to questioning for the attempted murder of Dr. Reid."

Elana's grip clenched the phone and she looked over at Morgan. "I would never!" she spat. Anger entangled her gaze, and she took a step backward. "My family and I are the victims, you can't just accuse me!" Her voice was rising by the second.

"Elana-"

"_Mrs. Reid!_" She screamed, eyes lighting with rage before regret flooded them.

She froze, allowing Hotch to lead her interrogation room, having grown silent. Morgan looked over at Garcia, placing a hand over her shoulder. The agent leaned into his touch, closing her eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Elana?" Prentiss' voice chirped from the other side of the line, confusion and understanding lacing her voice. "Oh my god, Reid was right."

A quiet hum answered her, followed by nothing.

They should've believed him.

* * *

Rossi eventually gathered up his belongings, shrugging his coat on and glancing around the building. He'd been at the sanatorium for almost an hour and there was still no sign of Reid. Dr. Norman sent him an apologetic look and the agent dismissed it with a wave of his hand. It wasn't the doctor's fault.

Spencer just hadn't visited his mom yet, begging the question 'where was he?' The team had seen him leave the hotel and had been unable to locate him since. Traffic was only growing worse as the night progressed and with Spencer's bag just gone, they had no idea where he could've gone.

His credit card still hadn't been used and his phone was in about a million pieces nestled in the safety of a trash can. Morgan had found it after Garcia had tracked its last location. That was what had caused the most fear in Rossi. But the unknown that they were forced to deal with was definitely getting there.

No gun, no phone, no backup.

Rossi hadn't realized it, but he'd sat back down on the couch and went back to looking around. He had almost left, but what if Spencer still visited his mom? The moment Rossi left?

The older agent knew exactly what he'd say when he saw the boy again. He'd apologize, tell him that Elana is being held for questioning and hug him. Rossi just hoped that he would have more information about Elana when he did see Spencer. But so far she hadn't even spoken a word. Not even to ask for a lawyer or phone call.

"Dr. Norman!"

A gut-punching feeling of relief made it momentarily feel like Rossi couldn't breathe. The voice belonged to Reid. It was shaky and out of breath, but it was him.

"Oh, Dr. Reid, what are you doing here?"

Rossi stood up, giving the doctor talking to Spencer a nod. The male hesitated briefly, before placing a hand on the young man's shoulder and pointing at Rossi.

At that moment, the older agent knew exactly what he had planned to say, and none of it felt right anymore. What had happened to the kid? His clothes had been changed, and he had his bag of belongings over his shoulder. Spencer's eyes were tired and red, from alcohol or tears Rossi couldn't be sure. But the pain he was feeling was clear.

The young agent fidgeted with the strap of his bag before murmuring something to the doctor and walking over to Rossi. "I need to see my mom," he croaked. "Please don't tell everyone where I am."

"Kid, you know I have to. You've got the whole team worried…"

Reid looked down, rubbing at his head and wincing. Rossi checked for a wound immediately before realizing he must have a headache or something. "Just let me see my mom first, Rossi."

"I'm coming with you."

The kid looked so resigned, so exhausted, that he just nodded. "Okay," then he started walking toward where his mother was. Offering to hold his bag for him, Rossi matched his pace. "No. I've got it." Spencer shifted the bag strap again, eyes narrowing.

Rossi wanted to update the team on Reid's location, but his phone was in his jacket pocket and Spencer had asked him not to. Briefly, he argued with himself that he didn't have to listen to the kid, but he really didn't want to break the trust shared between them even more. "Where'd you go?"

"The hotel."

They made it to the elevator, with Reid stepping inside without another word. Rossi followed, glancing over at his eyes once again. His stomach twisted when he realized that Reid had been drinking. Not too much, but he had been drinking. "Yeah, we know that. Then where? A bar?"

Silence answered Rossi.

The older agent sighed, trying to think of what to say. Reid flashed him a look, frowning and shaking his head.

"Don't act like it's such a bad thing. I'm an adult. I can drink when I like," the doctor snapped. Anger would've made its way into his voice, but instead tired lackluster entangled his tone.

"How much did you drink?"

"Does it matter?"

"No," Rossi stepped outside when the elevator doors opened. He didn't want to push Spencer, especially at a time like this. They walked until they reached Diana's room and Reid faltered.

Glancing over at Rossi, Spencer frantically wiped tears away. "God I'm a mess. I didn't mean to run off-" his breathing was coming quicker and quicker as he continued to open up. "-I needed air. And I was so mad that everyone didn't trust me. I got my stuff from the hotel… I was going to go home."

"But you didn't."

Reid tried to brush away his sobs but failed. "I couldn't leave. Something just… just kept me here. Like a prisoner," He stopped for a moment, taking a deep breath and looking Rossi in the eye. "I'm fired, aren't I?"

Mind spinning, Rossi put his hands on Spencer's shoulders. He was silent for a moment before he pulled the kid into a hug. Reid didn't respond right away, but eventually rested his head on the agent's shoulder and took a breath to steady himself. Rossi didn't know what to say. How to reply. It was clear Spencer didn't want to leave the BAU, but _would _Hotch fire him? He had broken protocol numerous times since they had arrived in Las Vegas. "I won't let that happen, kid." He answered firmly as Spencer pulled away from the hug.

"Thank you. Even if you can't, thanks for wanting to help."

"Are you okay?"

The young doctor smiled thinly, giving a small shrug. "No, but I need to check on my mom." Then he dabbed at his eyes with his shirt and opened the door to his mom's quarters.

Diana in a chair, duct tape on her mouth and a knife held to her throat.

"About time you joined the _party_, agents," The woman holding the knife sneered. Her eyes were puffy with tears but gleamed with malice. "We were growing tired of waiting. But don't mind that. Now the fun can start, _can't it_?" The knife dug into Diana's neck a bit more. The mother whimpered in fear and resentment.

Standing there, knife in hand, was Eliza Moretti.

* * *

"_Everybody's damaged. It's just a question of how badly, and whether you're healing or still bleeding." -Angela N. Blount_

* * *

**A/N: I just want to thank everyone for their reviews and follows! That means so much to me! I should be releasing chapters more frequently due to being quarantined so you can expect that. Stay safe!**


	15. Chapter 15

**Chapter Fifteen: Smile for Me**

"I am intrigued by the smile upon your face, and the sadness within your eyes" ―Jeremy Aldana

* * *

Reid couldn't breathe for a moment, hand moving to his neck to calm his spazzing out heart. He could feel the rapid pounding and it soon flooded his thoughts. The quick beating of his heart. The scared feeling of dread at the shimmering knife.

"Aw, what's wrong, Spencer?" Eliza mused. She looked at the nails of the hand not holding the knife. If Diana were to move… Reid shook the thought away.

Rossi pulled out his gun and aimed it at the woman, but she simply stepped behind the chair and rested her chin on Diana's head. "What? Are you going to shoot me? _Kill _me? Could you kill an unborn baby?" she paused to rub her large stomach.

Rossi hesitated, hands quivering slightly. Reid was sure he was thinking of James. His son who had only lived to be a day old. Not even, actually, if Spencer remembered right.

"Eliza… what are you doing?" Spencer asked, voice wobbling even more than Rossi's hand.

His mother closed her eyes, humming to herself and remaining perfectly calm. Blood dripped on the blade of the knife, but she remained calm, as if she was sleeping.

"I wasn't going to hurt her. I really hadn't planned on it. But then… your team arrested my mom. My mom doesn't deserve to go to jail. She didn't even know I had poisoned your cup with drugs. I just asked if she would give it to you," Eliza lit up. "Do you want to see my acting face? I'm getting pretty good."

"Let her go." Reid insisted stubbornly.

Eliza rolled her eyes, not moving the knife from Diana's throat. "I'll show you anyway," She feigned a worried look, her eyes widening and gaining a conflicted look. "Mom? I'm worried about Spencer. I think he might just drop dead from exhaustion. Could you bring him this coffee? I'm still not comfortable being around him." Then the facade was gone and she beamed. "Do you like it?"

Spencer was baffled. How could she? Eliza had seemed so… so normal! "How… _why_?"

"You are really a clueless one, aren't you, love?"

Reid hated that nickname. Nobody had ever called him that, but he hated the way Eliza just smiled at him was sickening. She was enjoying his terror.

"I learned how to act when I had to lie to my dad all the time. God, I wished the police would do something, _anything_! But the police did _nothing_! Zip, zilch!"

Hand stilling, Rossi just watched the woman. Nobody spoke for a moment until Rossi broke the silence, "You never reported it." He tried to reason, trying to get a good shot at her leg or something. Reid knew the older agent could never fire to kill Eliza. Not after Catherine and James.

For a second, the pregnant female looked like she was about to snap. End everything. But tears trickled down her face. She shook her head, pursing her lips. "Too late, I guess, huh?" she chuckled dryly. "Doesn't matter. William Reid saved us. If it wasn't for him, my mom would've lost custody of us. We could've gone to live with my father. William though, I love that man like a father. He's perfect for my mom. But not when you are around!" Eliza glared at Spencer, walls building back up.

"You can keep him!" Reid snapped, surprising himself. "William has never been a father to me and I'll leave and never come back if you let my mom go. We _don't _want William in our lives."

Eliza paused, debating his answer. Sucking air in through gritted teeth, she read his face. "It's not the same! He needs to stop caring about you! You need to be _dead_!" The knife shook in her hand, causing more of Diana's blood to trickle down her hand.

Panic flooded the doctor's eyes and he looked at his mom. She had opened her eyes and was looking at him now. Confusion laced her gaze, but understanding suddenly hit her after a moment of looking at Spencer. Reid winced. She'd forgotten him for a second. But then, Diana just smiled softly.

"It's my time, Spencer," she murmured. "Don't hurt yourself by trying to stop it."

"No, it's not!" Reid replied instantly, gritting his teeth and staring at Eliza. "What do you want? I'll do anything! _Please_!"

A smile crept onto Eliza's face and she put a hand on her heart. "What a hero," she dried her tears with her pinkie. "There is… one thing you could do."

"I'll do it."

Rossi's eyes flickered over to Spencer and he gave a tiny shake of his head. "Spencer, don't." Reid kept his gaze fixated on the unsub, ignoring Rossi's words. Feeling drained from life, he didn't think it would matter much if he took his mom's place. If he died, then his mother would live. He'd never have to face his weakness again.

Beckoning Reid to approach with a finger, Eliza kept the knife steadily on Diana's neck. Safely hidden by the chair, the only way to get to her was to shoot Diana or kill her. "Come here, _brother_," the younger woman murmured. Reid did as she said. When he was close enough, Eliza checked to make sure he had no weapons. When she didn't see any, she smiled. "Good."

The moment the knife left Diana's neck and went toward Reid's, a dozen thoughts flooded Reid. Time seemed to stand still and memories crossed his mind. Thoughts about his dad, about his mom, and the more recent ones. The ones with his team.

If he made it out alive, Reid wanted them to know that he forgave them. He had been wrong, after all. Well, partly, but that didn't matter. They were his family. And they just wanted to help him, even if they didn't always do what they were supposed to do, nobody ever did. There was always something that kept people from being perfect, that very thing was what made them people.

Reid ducked out of the knife's way, gritting his teeth when Eliza's knife sliced into his head. But at least it wasn't his neck. Once out of the way, the young doctor slipped his knife out of his pocket and held it to Eliza's stomach. Right where her child would be based on the small movements he had seen.

"Don't move, Eliza," Reid stared at her knife. "Drop it."

She froze, looking at him in a flurry of panic. Any triumph was expunged from her face. Then the knife slipped from her grip, hitting the carpet with a nearly silent thump. Rossi moved in, clasping handcuffs on Eliza as Spencer backed away. When she was restrained, he rushed over to his mom.

"Mom, mom are you okay?" Spencer's hands moved to her neck, her blood dripping onto his fingertips. The cut wasn't too deep, not fatal, Reid finally deduced.

Diana tsked, reaching out to touch his head. Then she looked him in the eye, frowning. "Spencer, dear, what happened to you? Are you drunk? That's not good for a boy so young!" She didn't seem fazed by what had happened, and Spencer realized she was having a minor episode.

"I'm sorry, I won't do it again,"

The woman smiled. "That's good. Little kids should stay away from alcohol. It's not good for their health," Diana leaned forward slightly. "But when you're older, you can have some. As long as you're safe."

Reid offered her a small smile, wrapping his mom in a hug. It didn't matter how young she thought he was, because she was alive. He had been so close to losing her, nothing else seemed to matter. Not his team's trust, not his weakness, not even William. Just the fact that nobody had died.

He smiled at Rossi, who grinned back.

* * *

Hotch was watching Elana through the glass window when JJ came running it, announcing the arrival of Reid, Rossi, and Eliza? Elana still had said nothing and was just staring at the window, as if she could see right through it.

The woman had her arms crossed over her chest and every once in a while examined her nails, but there was never any sign of guilt or agitation. They were waiting for her to break and she just wouldn't.

Now the unit chief had left the room, and spotted Reid with his head ducked in embarrassment with a thin cut along his head. "Reid," Hotch headed over, worry creasing his brow. "What happened, are you okay?"

Hotch had been worried, really worried. The agent hadn't wanted to show it, wanted to stay formal and keep his personal thoughts away from his work, but now he couldn't help it. Seeing Spencer standing there, alive, allowed him to really breathe for the first time since he had run.

"Yeah," Reid murmured before realization flickered in his gaze. "It's just a scratch. Elana isn't the unsub, it's Eliza. She broke into where my mom was staying, Rossi and I handled it, though…"

"Is your mom alright?"

The young doctor nodded, still not meeting Hotch's eye. Before the unit chief could question him, Rossi entered the room, bringing Eliza in handcuffs. Hotch's gaze lingered on Spencer before he pulled himself away and to Rossi. Spencer didn't say anything else.

Until Morgan opened the doors to the conference room and rushed over. Immediately, the agent began questioning Reid, not bothering with Eliza or remaining professional. Something Hotch's job wouldn't allow him to do. He needed to remain level-headed, focused. Despite his former fears for the young agent.

* * *

Reid shied away from Morgan when he first came running over. As he was wrapped in a hug, Spencer's eyes widened in surprise before he gave a slight hug back. His face burned with embarrassment and shame.

"What the hell happened to you?" Morgan demanded after he pulled away and located the wound on Reid's head. His eyes narrowed but Spencer could see the hidden worry and felt another flash of guilt. He really should've bandaged it up before he left Rossi's car.

"I-" he didn't know how to respond. "Eliza's the unsub."

The older agent recoiled, finally seeming to notice Eliza being led to the interrogation room. "That sonuvabitch," He growled before he glanced back at Spencer. It was clear Morgan had a lot of questions, but Reid didn't know if he could answer them.

Desperate to speak first and lead the conversation, Spencer blurted out the first thing he could think of. "I'm sorry I ran. I was being ridiculous, and I realize that now. We're a team, and I shouldn't have taken it all so personally. Instead, I left… like a child or something and I'm really sorry."

Morgan frowned, shaking his head. "No, kid, we're the sorry ones. We should've realized that you wouldn't share that knowledge if you weren't sure."

"That's true," Reid commented, trying to smile. He succeeded, for the most part. "But I also wasn't completely right. I didn't know Eliza was the unsub and-"

"_-Spencer_," The older agent interrupted, putting a hand on Spencer's shoulder. "Don't worry about it." Reid finally looked up at Morgan, eyes softening with gratitude before watching as Morgan's expression changed into something of confusion and concern. "Where did you go?" Reid quickly looked away, blushing.

He hated that his eyes were red because as he was realizing more and more, he had been drunk. Not so drunk he had escaped his thoughts, but drunk, and even though it was wearing off, his eyes were still a tell-tale sign. So maybe he had more than two drinks now that he was remembering more. Maybe it was more like four. "A bar, but I'm an adult so please don't get hung up on that."

"_You're_ drunk," Morgan laughed, ruffling Spencer's hair and shaking his head. "Hey- no judgment but… as long as it was just alcohol…?"

"I didn't take any drugs."

The older agent relaxed a bit, nodding. "I knew you wouldn't."

"And you can call me Reid." Reid added, flashing Morgan a smile.

"Good."

* * *

"_Have you ever been in love? Horrible isn't it? It makes you so vulnerable. It opens your chest and it opens up your heart and it means that someone can get inside you and mess you up." -Neil Gaiman_


	16. Chapter 16

**Chapter Sixteen: Proud, but of Whom?**

"_Jealousy is bred in doubts. When those doubts change into certainties, then the passion either ceases or turns absolute madness." -François de la Rochefoucauld_

* * *

Spencer stepped inside the interrogation room, taking a seat with his gaze fixed steadily on Elana. He'd offered to go in, and Hotch had let him. Reid appreciated the faith. If he was going to be fired, he wanted to go out with a successful case.

"Eliza confessed to the stalking. And my attempted murder," Reid started.

Much to her credit, Elana didn't react with surprise. She grinned and gave a nod. "Are you going to uncuff me now? I'd like to go see my William."

Reid shook his head, just looking the older woman in the eye. Her smile dropped and she sighed in annoyance. With her free hand, Elana brushed the dust from the table. Nobody spoke for a moment, Spencer watching her and the woman just staring at her wedding ring.

"There's just… one mistake that you made, Elana," Reid finally continued.

"Mrs. Reid," the mother corrected under her breath. "And I'm sure I don't know what you're talking about. I'm innocent."

The young doctor gave her a disbelieving look and her face ticked in annoyance. "The stalker? The stalker started signing her emails with R. It doesn't make any sense for Eliza to do that, now does it?"

At the small comment, Elana's face twitched. Reid proceeded to lay printouts of the emails out on the table. With Garcia's help, they printed one of the first ones with the R. The woman's gaze scanned over the pictures with an unimpressed look before she spotted the edited email. Her gaze hesitated on it.

"That's wrong," Elana commented, tapping on the paper. Her finger covered up the R and she relaxed slightly. "Eliza started signing R later on."

Reid suppressed a smile. "No, these are printed straight up from emails. Eliza admitted she wrote that. So... definitely not wrong."

The older woman pursed her lips, leg bouncing up and down. "No. That's wrong. She must have not noticed the mistake. This…" Elana took a deep breath. "...this is wrong. It's not supposed to be signed."

"I think it is."

"It's not!"

The doctor picked up the paper and read it over. When he finished it, he looked over at the woman and shrugged. "Looks accurate to me. And Eliza admitted she did it so who am I to argue?"

Elana's fists clenched and she looked away from Reid and the paper. Her leg continued to bounce in agitation. As Spencer got to his feet, she snapped. "Stop it! Are you going to fix it?" Reid shook his head, feigning a confused look. "I didn't start signing them until we were married!_ Fix it_!" she screamed.

Spencer took a seat now that he had done it. "You wrote them?"

"Yes! I wrote them! William is _mine_!"

Reid paused his recording and glanced at the mirror where his team most likely waited. Elana finally seemed to realize the gravity of her words and swallowed hard, shaking her head. As Spencer walked to the door, her mutterings turned into screams.

"How dare you? Don't ruin my family! Don't ruin us! _Stop it_!"

The doctor shut the door.

* * *

"Spencer?" William began, hesitating to reach out to Reid.

A few hours had passed since they got Elana's confession. Eliza and Elana were going to jail. The young doctor predicated around five years for Eliza and twenty years to life for Elana. Judges seemed very keen on arresting people when they attacked federal agents. Elana seemed to have forgotten to get rid of the evidence. She had hidden the recordings that caught her contaminating the coffee in her room. William had brought them in.

Spencer and the rest of the team were just scheduled to leave in about an hour, Hotch and Reid had decided to gather everything from the sheriff's department. Reid had really not wanted to run into his dad. But here he was. "What?"

"I wanted to apologize, you know… for everything."

The young doctor looked over at his dad. His eyes glimmered with emotions. "I can't forgive you for everything..."

William winced but nodded. "I know."

"...but I can forgive you for this. I get why you couldn't talk to me now."

His father brightened up at this, offering him a small smile. "That's all I ask, Spencer. I need to say something else, though. It will only take a moment," When Spencer nodded, he continued. "I'm proud of what you've become."

This was supposed to be when Reid felt relief wash over him. Where he was supposed to laugh and feel great that his dad was proud of him. But he couldn't. Reid had wanted William to be proud, but William had no idea what Reid had to go through. William didn't know him well enough to be proud.

Spencer gave William a small smile. "Thanks," Then he turned away, catching up with Hotch.

The unit chief glanced at Reid, having watched the interaction with William. "Are you okay?" he asked as they got into the car. In the safety of the vehicle, both Reid and Hotch were able to show how they really felt. The case was over, so Hotch didn't need to be focused and serious. He could finally just… breathe.

"He told me he was proud, Hotch. Why can't I care?"

Hotch kept the car off for a moment, turning to look at Spencer. He put a hand on the younger agent's shoulder. "William may know what you are. An agent, a good one too. But he doesn't know _who_."

The young man fought back his tears, looking in the unit chief's eyes. "Who am I?" A failure?

"You're one of the bravest people I know. You've been through so much and somehow… somehow you still manage to wake up every day and save lives. Reid, you are a member of the BAU and you've got every one of us on your side. You _are _someone to be proud of. And we are."

Reid's tears slipped down his face and he smiled. Sitting up, he wrapped his arms around Hotch, he hugged him back.

"Thank you." The young doctor whispered.

* * *

"_Letting go means to come to the realization that some people are a part of your history, but not a part of your destiny." -Steve M_

* * *

**A/N: There will be one more chapter, an epilogue, but other than that, this story is over! I really hope you enjoyed it! If you want anything cleared up or touched up on, just leave a review and I will probably explain it in the Epilogue. This includes anything you want to see! The Epilogue should be a longer chapter, to make up for this one. Thanks so much for reading!**


End file.
